E-Dribble

Some San Franciscans would like to give Dubya a proper memorial.  They are proposing to name a sewage treatment plant after him upon his stepping down from office. He’s been doling shit out for so long that they feel it’s only fitting that they remember his contributions by naming some after him.

“Did you step in dogshit, Bob?”
“No, that’s just the George Dubya across the bay.”
“That’s a lot of shit.”
“Indeed.”

Then you might want to install Firefox.

So that’s why you might want to start reading this post from the bottom.

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A Spokane, WA man is in critical condition today after shooting himself in the face.  Brandishing his weapon while partying with his compatriots, he intended to prove the pistol was empty when one of his friends voiced concern over having the pistol out.  Unfortunately, he decided to prove it by pointing the pistol at his face and pulling the trigger.  More unfortunately, the pistol wasn’t actually empty.

You might say that Darwin misses no opportunities.  In reality, some people just make it too easy.

Because I sometimes have a problem picking the best of the bunch:

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Assistant Recreation Supervisor Frank Vicchiarelli canceled the July 4th All-Star baseball game because it singles out some players as being better than others.  I can’t wait to meet the future leaders that Frank has a hand in forming.

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Stephen Attard and some buddies went on a crime spree, using baseball bats and a crowbar to mug, rob and destroy.  Cops say it’s because they were emulating the GTA game. Common sense says it’s because they’re morons:

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Kasey Edwards is blaming the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for not getting rid of the gators in Florida. It seems that he decided to go swimming in a canal that he knew to be infested with said gators.  Oddly enough, one ate his left arm.  Kasey will undoubtably looking for some monetary compensation for his hardships.

No swimming with alligators?  Who knew?

I’ve been watching this since I first heard about it last year on a linux forum.  It’s an open source phone/pim/pda/catchyphraseofthedayforphone.  There was a lot of speculation whether anything would come of it, but I thought they had a spectacular chance at making it, since they were avoiding the common pitfalls that other startups were falling into with little hesitation.

Well, Openmoko released the second gen phone to five distributors in France, Germany and India.  If you’re wondering why the US hasn’t seen it, it’s because they’re embracing the markets that show an open mind.  I-Sheep need not apply.

What does this mean?  Well, unless you’re a nerd, chances are great that you won’t notice the subtle changes.  Further, if you do notice them, you won’t care.  But for those of us paying attention, this provides an alternative to the developers that lock you into proprietary hardware, software and contracts.  Where Apple releases updates simply to squash hacks that their users have created to make the hardware work the way they want it to(i.e. for them), the open model hands all the necessary information over and asks that you share your work if you come up with something cool or useful.  It’s a community that not only allows you to make your hardware work for you, it helps.

Maybe Mr. Wozniak should pick one up.

Our latest contestant:

Subject: FDV.Grant Award Donations!!!
From: “Fondazion Di Vittorio, ITALY” <mark02@zajoulnet.com>
Reply-To: Sir Mario Domenico <fdvoffice77@aim.com>

Fondazion Di Vittorio, ITALY
http://www.fondazionedivittorio.it
GRANT PIN NO.: (N-222-6747,E-900-56)

We bring to your notice the
decision by the Board of Trustees of Fondazione di
Vittorio to choose you as one of the final
recipients of a cash grant for your own personal,
educational,and business development.

To celebrate the new year and in coincidence
with our 31st anniversary,we are giving out
a donation of 500,000.00 Euro(Five Hundred Thousand Euro).
Each to 40 lucky recipients who there e-mail have been
selected from over 125,000 websites all over the globe,
as charity donations/aid from the Fondazione
di Vittorio, ECOWAS, EU and the UNO
in accordance with enabling acts of Parliament.

To File for your grant award you are expected
to send us the following detail to
facilitate the release of your grant prize.”(1)Full-Name,
(2)Age,(3)Sex,(4)Full Mailing Address and (5)Phone Number”.

Regards.
Sir Mario Domenico
Fondazione Representative
Contact E-mail:fdvoffice77@aim.com
Tele:+00393291419908

And his deserved response:

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This is a perfect example of why I rarely reward 419 scammers with a response that they can print out, frame and share with their friends at the internet cafe:

Subject: ATM CARD PAYMENT(822).
From: SENATOR DAVID MARK <info@atm.com>
Reply-To: linda.hill302@yahoo.com.hk

Good Day,
ATM CARD worth $6.8 Million Dollars has been accredited in your favor,
Please Contact Mrs. Linda Hill (linda.hill302@yahoo.com.hk) With the following,
Full Name: Delivery Address: Age: Occupation: Phone Number:
Regards,Mr David Mark SENATE PRESIDENT.

What in the hell am I supposed to do with this, Mr. Linda Mark? There is absolutely no aspect of this email that is even remotely believable. Instead of responding to your email(which you don’t deserve), I will give you three tips to help you improve your tactics to actually make money at this, since at this time, you’re doing it wrong and only people too stupid to make any money will bother to respond to you.

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I don’t respond to them much anymore because they’re just regurgitations of scams I received for years, but this guy spent so much time on this one that I couldn’t help myself. In fact, I could say that I felt led to respond.

The email in question:

Subject: Dear Beloved
From: shelia johnson <gramey@charter.net>
Reply-To: beloved_shelia08@live.com

Dear Beloved in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ,having known the
truth,I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right
in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for
witness of God & his mercies and glory upon my life.
I am Mrs.Sheila Johnson the wife of Mr Harold Johnson,my husband worked
with the Chevron/Texaco in Kenya for twenty
years before he died in the year2001.We were married for ten years
without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that
lasted for only four days.

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Dr Ari Jaaksi plans on using the open source model and community to make a better Nokia phone. More specifically, he’s going to use it to make a Nokia phone that goes against everything FOSS stands for. Because FOSS needs DRM, IPR and closed models.

From the horse’s ass mouth:

As an industry, we plan to use open-source technologies but we are not yet ready to play by the rules; but this needs to work the other way round too.

He’s not ready to play by the rules…… it needs to work the other way around too……

He has suggested that we don’t play by the rules.

I think that’s a splendid idea. We’ll start by telling Nokia to shove their open source effort up their ass.

Not only do they act as the chlorine in the gene pool, but they also do their part to ensure that their customers don’t breed.

Let’s face it.  If you think it’s a good idea to purchase medicine that affects the little general through nameless people via unsolicited bulk mail subscribing to this spelling methodology, then chances are great that you should not be allowed to influence the thoughts of those younger than you.

A report was recently published, linking pharmaceutical spam botnets to the Russian criminal underground. All of the Canadian pharmacy emails you get are actually routed to Ivan. Of interest in the report is the following quote:

However, IronPort-sponsored pharmacological testing revealed that two thirds of the shipments contained the active ingredient but were not the correct dosage, while the others were placebos. As a result, consumers take a significant risk of ingesting an uncontrolled substance from overseas distributors, the researchers say.

This is fantastic. Chances are great that the Viagra that the dipshits purchase will either do absolutely nothing, or may make them violently ill. Both of which will keep them from procreating.

And to think we were trying to put a stop to this.