SHITFUCKDAMN!
by schwim on Mar.23, 2009, under Humorous
For a while, the doctors at the Naval and VA hospitals called what I have Gilles de la Tourette’s syndrome. They later changed their minds. A few times. If you read the latest entries in my medical history, you will find that I have “organic brain trauma”.
The story behind it all is quite boring but the point I’m leading to is the fact that I have vocal and motor tics. Sometimes they’re bad and sometimes, thanks to different medicines, they’re almost indistinguishable. It depends on what kind of day I’m having.
If you have to have an affliction of some kind, tics are the way to go. Squeaks, blinks and grunts are much more preferable than your body shutting down as it does with Parkinsons disease. Although it can make social settings a little uncomfortable, it’s not that big of a deal. In fact, I’ve spent quite some time thinking that you can make some money having fun at your own expense.
It’s no different than the word “nigger”. If you are black, you can use the word as sentence filler or hit song lyric material. If you’re white and you use the word “nigger”, then prepare to be blamed for actually drafting the initial plan of the slave trade triangle.
It’s the same with sufferers of disorders. Those with afflictions can poke fun at it. If however you make fun of a guy with Tourettes without actually having Tourettes(or something worse), then you are an asshole.
This creates a low economic hurdle for market entry. Although I know you all are assholes, there have to be some of you that have a modicum of decency, right? Right?
Tics are a disorder that people around you aren’t unaware of for long. If you have tics, the people around you know about it in short order. Why not just have some fun with it? My idea is a t-shirt company called SHITFUCKDAMNWHORE Wear(Although it’s a rare condition in Tourettes, corprolalia is the most commonly thought of attribute). T-Shirts for those with tics:
“Those aren’t tics. That’s barely contained excitement.”
“I have Tourette’s, but I threw that last curse word in just to screw with you.”
“It’s not a tic. It’s morse code.”
“Let me know if I missed anything while my eyes were shut.”
“I can turn the tics off if I like, but I hate the uncomfortable silence.”
“Just let me know if the tics are bothering you. I’ll stop.”
“What tics? I squeeze my eyes shut because I’m a fan of stop-motion photography.”
There’s literally no limit to the slogans that could be plastered to the front of a t-shirt to make a crap load of money on.
Next week, I’ll post my ideas on slogans utilizing the word “nigger”.
