It’s your own damned fault for listening to us.
by schwim on May.02, 2009, under Humorous
What do you do when you create a national scare for ratings and it becomes incresingly obviious that you pulled everything out of your ass?
Well, first you ease into the letdown, making sure that you phrase it in such a way that it’s ambiguously insinuated that the risk is still lurking around the corner. Then you begin ridiculing the hordes of people that fell for your bullshit.
You see, the death toll for the swine flu currently stands at 19. The average number of deaths annually from standard influenza? 36, o00. While you can creatively adjust numbers to make the word “epidemic” fit, it seems that the disparity between these two figures are too great for even the US media to stretch.
Now, I’m not blaming the news agencies. They’re no better than spammers. They’re in it to make money and everyone knows that fear sells. The mental defects that watched the news and immediately donned paper masks while wrapping themselves in cheesecloth deserved every minute of anguish that they endured.
I’m just sorry that I didn’t have the forsight to buy stock in dust masks.
May 3rd, 2009 on 7:10 am
Jeeeezzzzz……. The Western Hemisphere spent a WHOLE DAY getting the name right and you go and blow the whole gig.
It’s H1N1!!!
Do you have any idea how much it costs the pork industry to keep their stock medicated with anti-depressants?
May 3rd, 2009 on 8:49 am
I do feel bad for the poor pigs. They get a bum rap. Maybe the pigs should get together with the birds and cows to form some sort of support group…
May 3rd, 2009 on 1:41 pm
Good idea. I’m sure Dr. Doolittle is all over it and, no doubt, Pixar is working up the storyboard. Those farm animals will get the help they need – the cartoon ones anyway….