Bet you didn’t recognize me without my sandals on.
by schwim on May.11, 2009, under Spam
It grows mundane even for me, dealing with the same tired spam with the same tired responses, so when my wife sent me this one, I decided to take a new tact. I’m going to try to string the guy along for as long as possible. The challenge is I have to continue stuffing phrases and comments into the responses that would raise flags to any person that might want to give me millions of dollars.
Here’s the solicitation:
Subject: From Miss Linda Donald
Date: Tue, 12 May 2009
From: Mrs Linda Donald <mrslidadonalds7@yahoo.jp>
Reply-To: linda_donalds2009@yahoo.comDONATION
Dearest ,Greetings i’m Mrs Linda Donald, from Kuwait. I am married to Mr. Collins Donald who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2002.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four weeks.Before his death we were both born again Christian.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $4.9million dollars in a bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire west Africa. Presently, this money is still in bank. Recently, my doctor informed me that i would not stay alive for the next eight months due to cancer problem.
The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition i decided to donate this fund to a charity organization that will utilize this money the way i am going to instruct herein.
I took this decision because i don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are good and i don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by them.
I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why i am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where i am going.
I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as i receive your reply i shall give you the contact of the bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire west Africa.
I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund from the Ministry of Justice here in Cote d’Ivoire .
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as i stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply soon.Reply me through my private email: linda_donald2009@yahoo.com
Remain blessed .
Yours sister,
Mrs Linda Donald.
And my attempt to assuage her fears that I might not be a person to give the money to:
Subject: RE: From Miss Linda Donald
Date: Tue, 12 May, 2009
From: Json <iamtheonetruegod@infosprite.com>Dearest Mrs. Donald,
First, allow me to say how sorry I am for your dead husband, cancer and stroke. It sounds almost as if dying will be a good thing for you, with all the bad things happening to you. I for one, hope it comes quickly for you.
I am a very Christian person and believe that my God sent you to me for a reason. Although sacrifices and wars in the name of Jesus are now frowned upon in many parts of the civilized world, with God and a lot of money, all things are possible. I believe that I could do a lot of good things with the money you will give me. Certain parts of me grow excited at the prospect.
Unfortunately, due to a false accusation of me running Nigerian scams from my home, I no longer am allowed to have a phone at my house, so it is good that we can conduct this via email. I hope I can do the same with the bank contact as a bracelet around my ankle makes sure that I don’t leave my house to find a phone elsewhere.
Please let me know what I need to do next to get this money and begin God’s work.
May the baby Jesus cradle you in his arms when you begin writhing in pain as you die,
Jason
I will of course keep you posted if I happen to hear back from my buddy.
May 11th, 2009 on 9:45 pm
Mine’s better than yours:
From: “FBI Director Robert S.Mueller III”
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
Attn: Beneficiary,
This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal Transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Mr. Michell Brown From union bank kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of Fedex,Ibrahim Sule,Larry Christopher, Puppy Scammers are impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation. During our Investigation, we noticed that the reason why you
have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.
Therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by cordinating your payment in total USD$10.5million in an ATM CARD which you can use to withdraw money from any ATM MACHINE CENTER anywhere in the world with a maximum of $10,000 United States Dollars daily. You now have the lawful right to claim your fund in an ATM CARD.
Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction, you have to be rest assured for this is 100% risk free it is our duty to protect You. All I want you to do is to contact the ATM CARD CENTER via email for their requirements to proceed and procure your Approval Slip on your behalf which will cost you $570 only and note that your Approval Slip which contains details of the agent who will process your transaction.
CONTACT INFORMATION
NAME: Kelvin Williams
EMAIL: kelvinwilliams30@sify.com
Do contact Mr. Kelvin Williams of the ATM CARD CENTRE with your details: EMAIL ADDRESS: kelvinwilliams30@sify.com
FULL NAME:
HOME ADDRESS:
TELL:
CELL:
CURRENT OCCUPATION:
BANK NAME:
So your files would be updated after which he will send the payment informations which you’ll use in making payment of $570 via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer for the procurement of your Approval Slip after which the delivery of your ATM CARD will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay. Please if you know you cannot be able to afford the $570 for the delivery of your ATM card via FedEx then do not bother to contact Mr. Kelvin Williams as we are in the begining of new year and he should be busy with some other things.
We order you to get back to Mr. kelvin williams Only right away.
FBI Director Robert S.Mueller III.
Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possesion of your ATM CARD, you are hereby adviced only to be in contact with Mr. Kelvin Williams of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to Mr. Kelvin williams so we could act upon and commence investigation.
THIS IS FBI SECURITY ALERT EMAIL DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL FOR SECURITY REASON.
GET BACK TO MR. KELVIN WILLIAMS ONLY.
May 12th, 2009 on 12:23 am
Wayne, I just got one like that today. Did yours have FBI seals, complete with Mueller’s head and a Yahoo cloud bg at the bottom of the email? It’s so great, that I’m going to have to actually take some time to create the response.
Can’t take too long though as the addresses never last long before they get shut down.
May 12th, 2009 on 7:07 am
Gee, I haven’t gotten one! Could it be that they’ve somehow gotten so sophisticated that they don’t bother sending them to the indigent?
May 12th, 2009 on 8:52 am
No, that can’t be right. How would you explain my getting it?
I was going to make a witty response concerning my confusion between indigent and ignorant, but sadly, I am both.