E-Dribble

You’ve got to give them props for at least using an event that happened in the recent past.  I’ve been linked to plane crashes that occurred 17 years ago.

Subject: HAVE YOU RECEIVE MY EMAIL? 20/10/2009
From: LT. Angela Stalwart <stawartlt.agela@yahoo.pl>
Reply-To: stawartlt.agela@yahoo.pl

Greetings,

I know you would be surprised to read from someone relatively unknown to you.

My name is LT. Angela Stalwart, a member of the U.S. ARMY USARPAC Medical Team, which was deployed to Iraq at the beginning of the war in Iraq.

I would like to share some highly personal classified information about my personal experience and role which I played in the pursuit of my career serving under the U.S 1st Armored which was at the fore-front of the war in Iraq.

Though, I would like to hold back certain information for security reasons for now until you have found the time to visit the BBC website stated below to enable you have an insight into what I intend sharing with you, believing that it would be of your desired interest one-way or the other.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm Also, could you get back to me having visited the above website to enable us discuss in a more clarifying manner to the best of your understanding.

I must say that I’m very uncomfortable sending this message to you without knowing truly if you would misconstrue the importance and decides to go public.

In this regards, I will not hold back to say that the essence of this message is strictly for mutual benefit between you and I and nothing more.

I will be vivid and coherent in my next message in this regards, meanwhile, could you send me an email confirming that you have visited the site and that you have understood my intentions? I will await your thoughts.

Best Regards

LT. Angela Stalwart

This message and any attachments may contain information that is confidential to Intouch. If you are not the intended recipient you cannot use, distribute or copy the message or attachments. In such a case, please notify the sender by return email immediately and erase all copies of the message and attachments. Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message and attachments that do not relate to the official transaction of Intouch are neither given nor endorsed by it.

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Angela, I want you to walk toward the light.

Hello to you, Angela.  You would think I might be surprised at your contacting me, but I’ve known you were going to attempt to long before you thought of the idea of stealing people’s money.  In fact, I know the number of hairs on your head.

Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Jesus. To prove the legitimacy of my claim, I am going to link a page that discusses a person known as Jesus and discusses Him at length: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus

So you see, I am most definitely Him.

Allow me to say how very disappointed in you I am. I’ve long ago given up on your brethren that still cling to the “dying woman wanting to give away her money” and was momentarily hopeful that I had been contacted by a scamming piece of shit that wanted to go the extra mile.  Don’t get me wrong, the old “pull a web page discussing a real person out of my ass” trick has been well used, but you’ve gone the extra mile of using events that have transpired in the last decade to lend some credibility to your tale.

But then you went and fucked it all up.

Although the good Lord(my dad) knows that the Army isn’t the brightest bunch, they have for the most part mastered the English language. You, my friend, have not.  Reading your letter is like watching a Special Olympics dart throwing contest.  It’s just painful.  I would pull out a couple of your best atrocities, but to be completely honest, there are so many that I really have no idea where to start.  Reading it makes me want to punch you in the face, and I’m Jesus.  Just imagine what the unwashed masses are feeling when they receive this.  You’re fucking lucky that you’re in Malaysia where no decent human being lives or else one of the recipients of your email would find you and beat the flying shit out of you.

If that wasn’t enough, take a look at your return email address; stawartlt.agela@yahoo.pl.  Am I to believe that there are so many Lieutenant Angela Stalwarts registering email accounts at a Polish webmail system that you had to intentionally misspell your name, or were you just too stupid to type what we’re to believe is your name correctly?  You know what?  I’m Jesus, so I already know and without being cruel, let’s just say that nobody else is registering Lieutenant Angela Stalwart at the Polish Yahoo site….. stupid.

Angela, I want you to take some of that money you’ve made from the retards that believe the bullshit you pedal and I want you to buy a dictionary.  If, as I suspect, your attempt is so pathetic that you’ve not yet found anyone stupid enough to believe your scam, I want you to ask one of the other pieces of shit at the internet cafe to proofread your letter before sending it out.

And stop masturbating so much.  You’re going to break something.

Love,
Jesus