E-Dribble

When Apple produced a phone that dropped signal when you held it a certain way, I didn’t think much of it.  Aside from shining a light on the flaw of having a small and secretive development cycle, there wasn’t much to give them a hard time about.  Companies fail to find every little thing in early version products all the time.  That’s why there’s subsequent versions.

When Steve Jobs told the world it was a non-issue, not to hold the phone like that, I chuckled a little, but still didn’t make too much of a big deal about it.  It’s Steve Jobs.  I suspect that over the years, his turtlenecks have slowly been restricting the blood flow just enough to cause him to act like the self-appointed God of fashion and function that he is.  It can’t be coherent thought causing it.  Even he’d be embarrassed by the way he acts.

When Apple told the world that the phone never got that many bars anyway, it started getting interesting.

When they told you to buy a $30 rubber band to wrap around the phone to prevent the signal loss, I began laughing outright.

When they held a press conference saying that they weren’t perfect and here’s a free rubber band, I was kind of sad.  It was like watching something that had the potential to be quite fantastic but whose life was cut short by common sense.

I needn’t have worried. It seems Apple has posted a page on their website to demonstrate that all smart phones had this issue.

So what have we learned from this video?  Well, I’ve learned that either all of the other phones in the video have less of a problem than the iPhone in this regard, since none of the phones featured had a ton of people freaking out over dropped calls OR the average iPhone owner is a big fucking whiner that likes to bitch about things that are really of no consequence.

As for Apple, with the release of the video, we no longer have to wonder which group they fall into.

Found in the spam folder:

Infosprite…

[...] something about infosprite[...]…

Oh yeah?

Spamming piece of shit…

[...] something concerning a funnel, a bottle of sulphuric acid and the spamming piece of shit’s colon[...]…

I happened across an incredibly entertaining Dell support page designed to help the consumer that can’t decide between Windows and Ubuntu.  Basically, you choose Windows if you have any Windows software and you are to use Ubuntu if you don’t want to use Windows.

Although there’s an incredible number of symptoms of Linux’s lack of popularity, I think it mostly comes down to a single main cause; it’s very hard to take Linux seriously.  Self-appointed spokepersons that wear robes, act like the world’s largest emo and have an incredible God complex, companies that mock more than promote Linux(use this if you don’t want to use Windows???  Really?) and rabid fans that ostracise the whole community in the process of telling the world how great their OS are all things that combine to make one big pot of laughing stock.

To be honest, I don’t have a very good relationship with Linux myself, in part because of the community tasked with promoting it.  I grow tired of the blind allegiance that many harbour and I find it very hard to ignore the actions of people like Richard Stallman.  I just want an operating system that works and while Linux is a pretty great operating system, to act like it doesn’t have any shortcomings is akin to acting like Mr. Stallman is a sane person. Just like any other operating system in the world, it has plenty it can improve upon.

As for Mr. Stallman, if he gets any more emo, then we won’t have to worry about him at all.

It’s hard for me to find new lows for the social networking site, Twitter.  If you have an account, I don’t need to tell you that 99% of the content is useless shit that does absolutely nothing to inform you or enrich your life.  It’s userbase consists of mostly only two types of users; losers and people trying to monetize on said losers.  It was fun for a while to poke fun at both camps, but as with anything else in life, it eventually grows tired and unamusing (touch my monkey). After all, it’s reached the bottom and can go no further.

Wait a stinking moment.  It seems that pregnant women can purchase a belt to wear that will broadcast a tweet every time their baby kicks.

Don’t get me wrong, these tweets are just as informative and useful as those posted by adult users.  If we were  to have a race between Ashton Kutcher and an unborn fetus to see who could post useful content first, I couldn’t tell you who would win.  It would just be too close to call it.

I often tell myself that I’m being too hard on society, to stop being so damned self-righteous and just shut the fuck up already.  Quit picking out the very worst that’s out there and amplifying it into a bigger issue than it really is.  Then I see something like the kickbee and realize that we as a society are doomed.

Instead of ridiculing it, maybe I should instead take some pointers from them and try to market my own version of this.  The way I see it, the flaw in their design is that they’ve cut out half of the world’s population from their marketing.  What Iwould do is create a belt that anyone can wear, regardless of their race, sex or religious beliefs.  The first two I’d work on the development of would be the Shitbee(tm) and the Belchbee(tm):

Mark left this in my spam folder:

Mark Dulisse: I am the biggest internet marketing god alive http://holycrapIdeletedyourURL.com

You’re wrong Mark, you’re just a spamming piece of shit. I can only hope you come to pay me a visit when checking your spam penetration.  I would love to discuss with you how you might have come to such a mistaken conclusion concerning what makes you so special.

Hey, remember when I was making fun of everyone that grabbed the first iPhones 4 only to enjoy signal loss as a reward for holding the phone in a certain fashion?

Well, first Steve Jobs told everyone that the problem didn’t exist and they needed to stop holding the phone like that…… stupid…..

Then, Apple said that holding the phone in a certain manner didn’t cause signal loss.  You never really had that strong of a signal anyway.

Then independent testing found that Apple seems to be run by a bunch of pathological liars that can’t admit that they fucked up.

As a wrap-up, the guy that told us all that it was a non-issue and told us to hold the phone differently said he was sorry, they’re not perfect, all phones have this problem and here’s a free rubber band to wrap around your iPhone4.

Every day, I feel a little worse that I didn’t stand in line for two days to pick up a phone that I paid hundreds of dollars for just so I could be called a moron by the CEO of the company and then given a $30 rubber band free of charge.

Apple.  Think Different.

What’s the difference between Prince and I?

I mean besides the facts that he’s got incredible musical talent I don’t, he can pull off dressing like a fruit while I can’t and he’s a Jehovah’s Witness while I won’t even let them into the house?

Well, he can say things like “the internet is over”, and nobody blinks an eye.  The interview continues without any snickers.

That’s power.

(continue reading…)