E-Dribble

A few months ago, a gentleman named Donald D. Swiger regaled me with tales of consignments and top level domains. Unfortunately we never met up.  Although saddened that I’d never know what my consignment consisted of, I was glad that the stress was off.  I’d killed a hooker and my mother and to be honest, I knew I’d kill again if need be.

I had nothing to fear, however.  Now the big-wigs were in charge and things were going to happen fast.

From: Kieran Dutch <kieran_dutch00j@yahoo.de>
Subj: Santander Bank

ATTN HON BENIFICARY.

THE DIPLOMAT DONALD SWIGER WENT BACK TO UK WITH YOUR CONSIGNMENT,I ISSUED HIM THE DOCUMENTS TO DEPOSIT THE CONSIGNMENT WITH Santander Bank. CONTACT THE BANK TO FINALIZE TRANSFER OR DRAFT ISSUED TO YOU.THE DEPOSIT CODE IS 77223 ALSO INFORM ME OF ANY REQUIREMENT SO WE CAN FINALIZE.THE BANK INFO IS BELOW CONTACT THE BANK

Santander Bank.
(Int’l Remittance Department)
130 Market Street Piccadilly Gardens
Manchester,Lancashire M60 1AY,
United Kingdom.
Email: accounts@uksantanderbn.com
Contact Person In Charge of Funds:Mr. Andrew Savage
Tel:+447011198745
Fax:+448447744914

CALL ME

THANK YOU
DR USMAN KADIRI
KTT DIRECTOR CBN
+234-7056717039
kttdirectorcbn@officer.com or k.cbnusman@rocketmail.com

Finally!

From: json
Subj: Santander Bank

Mr. Swiger totally screwed me out of my consignment.  I allowed my mother to die and accidentally ran over a hooker all because of him.

Now I really need that money as they want $5,000.00 just to bury my mom.  I’ve been holding off on the burial in case Donald got back in touch with me, but to be completely frank, she’s beginning to stink.  It’s not pleasant being in the same house with her.

Go ahead and shoot me the money, if you would. My super-secure PIN is 77223.

thanks,
json

Due to the length, click below to read the rest of the conversation.

From: Kieran Dutch <kieran_dutch00j@yahoo.de>
Subj: RE: Santander Bank

ATTN HON BENIFICARY.

CONTACT THE BANK WITH YOUR CONTRACT ACCOUNT  AND YOUR FULL DETAILS AND MAKE SURE YOU RECONFIRM EVERY CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE BANK TO ME,SO I CAN MONITIOR THE SITUATION AND MAKE SURE EVERY THING GOES RIGHT.THIS IS THE TIME  YOU  HAVE TO BE PAID

CALL ME

THANK YOU
DR USMAN KADIRI
KTT DIRECTOR CBN
+234-7056717039

It’s time now to bring in “the closer”.

From: Santander Bank UK <accounts@uksantanderbn.com>
Subj: WELCOME TO SANTANDER BANK

Santander Bank.
(Int’l Remittance Department)
130 Market Street Piccadilly Gardens
Manchester,LancashireM60 1AY,
United Kingdom.
Tel: +447024097968
Fax: +448447744914

March 28, 2011
Attn: SCHWIM DANDY,

Welcome to Santander Bank PLC online transferring department. I am Mr.Andrew Savage, the online transfer manager/coordinator.
We received instructions from the Director On behalf of Dr. USMAN KADIRI to create and credit your transit account with the sum of $25, 000, 000, 00(Twenty Five Million United States Dollars Only)
You are therefore provided with the Transferring Link, Account Name and PIN to enable you access your account and also transfer this fund to any account you deem fit around the globe. Find below the required information:

Transferring Link:

http://wwwlogin.uksantanderbn.com/

User ID: DANDY
PIN: 79542821

You are to enter the Customer Name and PIN. For the Account Statement and thereafter commence transfer.
Now you have information to access the account and also transfer the fund to your personal account.
Please note that you are required to keep the above information secretly to avoid misappropriation of fund and any fraud.
I am the Coordinator of this bank’s online transferring department and you are expected to write me if you have any problems with the transfer of the fund to your personal bank account.

Regards,
Mr. Andrew Savage
Head, Foreign Payment/Telex Unit, SBP
Tel:  +447024097968

I have to share with you that at this point I log into the site to find a shitload of zeros in my fake bank account.

From: Schwim Dandy
Subj: RE: WELCOME TO SANTANDER BANK

Hello Mr. Savage,

I want to thank you so much for providing me to the following information.  Logging in and seeing all those zeros made my mother’s death totally worth it.

I really feel safe just knowing that the money is being held at your bank so if it’s ok with you, I was just planning on leaving it there in the event of a rainy day and I need to buy a learjet or major league baseball field.  I’m sure being a really big bank with official login pages and all, you won’t mind me just keeping the money with you.  After all, That’s how you make your money, right?  From the interest?

Thanks so much for everything you’ve done.  It does my heart good to know that there are fine people such as yourself helping others, one new millionaire at a time.

thanks,
json

It seems the Kieran feels that he hasn’t gotten the accolades due him. It seems at first that he’s so angry he forgets to draft an email.

From: Kieran Dutch <kieran_dutch00j@yahoo.de>
Subj: RE: WELCOME TO SANTANDER BANK UK

Calm down, Kieran.

From: Schwim Dandy
Subj: RE: WELCOME TO SANTANDER BANK

Hi there Kieran,

You either sent me a blank email or one written in invisible ink.  I’ve smeared lemon juice across the monitor but it didn’t reveal anything, so I’m thinking it was a blank email.

thanks,
json

From: Kieran Dutch <kieran_dutch00j@yahoo.de>
Subj: RE: WELCOME TO SANTANDER BANK UK

ATTN HON BENIFICARY.

THE BANK CONFIRMED THAT YOUR PAYMENT HAS BEEN RELEASE TO YOU,CONGRATULATION FOR MY HARD WORK I DERSERVE APPRECIATION.NOTE THIS AND GET IT DONE.

CALL ME

THANK YOU
DR USMAN KADIRI
KTT DIRECTOR CBN
+234-7056717039

From: Schwim Dandy
Subj: RE: WELCOME TO SANTANDER BANK

Hi there Kieran,

Congratulations!

And to show you how appreciative I am:

2, 4, 6, 8,
Who do we appreciate?
Kieran!  Kieran!
Yaaaaaaaaay Kieran!

Thanks very much for all you’ve done.  I’m unable to call out on my phone due to the fact that someone broke in last week and stole every third digit off of the face of the phone, but just know that I’m incredibly grateful for all you’ve done, even though it was your job and all.  If you need someone to hug you, I’m your guy.

thanks,
json