When Steve Jobs told the world it was a non-issue, not to hold the phone like that, I chuckled a little, but still didn’t make too much of a big deal about it.  It’s Steve Jobs.  I suspect that over the years, his turtlenecks have slowly been restricting the blood flow just enough to cause him to act like the self-appointed God of fashion and function that he is.  It can’t be coherent thought causing it.  Even he’d be embarrassed by the way he acts.

When Apple told the world that the phone never got that many bars anyway, it started getting interesting.

When they told you to buy a $30 rubber band to wrap around the phone to prevent the signal loss, I began laughing outright.

When they held a press conference saying that they weren’t perfect and here’s a free rubber band, I was kind of sad.  It was like watching something that had the potential to be quite fantastic but whose life was cut short by common sense.

I needn’t have worried. It seems Apple has posted a page on their website to demonstrate that all smart phones had this issue.

So what have we learned from this video?  Well, I’ve learned that either all of the other phones in the video have less of a problem than the iPhone in this regard, since none of the phones featured had a ton of people freaking out over dropped calls OR the average iPhone owner is a big fucking whiner that likes to bitch about things that are really of no consequence.

As for Apple, with the release of the video, we no longer have to wonder which group they fall into.

Infosprite…

[...] something about infosprite[...]…

Oh yeah?

Spamming piece of shit…

[...] something concerning a funnel, a bottle of sulphuric acid and the spamming piece of shit’s colon[...]…

Although there’s an incredible number of symptoms of Linux’s lack of popularity, I think it mostly comes down to a single main cause; it’s very hard to take Linux seriously.  Self-appointed spokepersons that wear robes, act like the world’s largest emo and have an incredible God complex, companies that mock more than promote Linux(use this if you don’t want to use Windows???  Really?) and rabid fans that ostracise the whole community in the process of telling the world how great their OS are all things that combine to make one big pot of laughing stock.

To be honest, I don’t have a very good relationship with Linux myself, in part because of the community tasked with promoting it.  I grow tired of the blind allegiance that many harbour and I find it very hard to ignore the actions of people like Richard Stallman.  I just want an operating system that works and while Linux is a pretty great operating system, to act like it doesn’t have any shortcomings is akin to acting like Mr. Stallman is a sane person. Just like any other operating system in the world, it has plenty it can improve upon.

As for Mr. Stallman, if he gets any more emo, then we won’t have to worry about him at all.

Wait a stinking moment.  It seems that pregnant women can purchase a belt to wear that will broadcast a tweet every time their baby kicks.

Don’t get me wrong, these tweets are just as informative and useful as those posted by adult users.  If we were  to have a race between Ashton Kutcher and an unborn fetus to see who could post useful content first, I couldn’t tell you who would win.  It would just be too close to call it.

I often tell myself that I’m being too hard on society, to stop being so damned self-righteous and just shut the fuck up already.  Quit picking out the very worst that’s out there and amplifying it into a bigger issue than it really is.  Then I see something like the kickbee and realize that we as a society are doomed.

Instead of ridiculing it, maybe I should instead take some pointers from them and try to market my own version of this.  The way I see it, the flaw in their design is that they’ve cut out half of the world’s population from their marketing.  What Iwould do is create a belt that anyone can wear, regardless of their race, sex or religious beliefs.  The first two I’d work on the development of would be the Shitbee(tm) and the Belchbee(tm):

Mark Dulisse: I am the biggest internet marketing god alive http://holycrapIdeletedyourURL.com

You’re wrong Mark, you’re just a spamming piece of shit. I can only hope you come to pay me a visit when checking your spam penetration.  I would love to discuss with you how you might have come to such a mistaken conclusion concerning what makes you so special.

Well, first Steve Jobs told everyone that the problem didn’t exist and they needed to stop holding the phone like that…… stupid…..

Then, Apple said that holding the phone in a certain manner didn’t cause signal loss.  You never really had that strong of a signal anyway.

Then independent testing found that Apple seems to be run by a bunch of pathological liars that can’t admit that they fucked up.

As a wrap-up, the guy that told us all that it was a non-issue and told us to hold the phone differently said he was sorry, they’re not perfect, all phones have this problem and here’s a free rubber band to wrap around your iPhone4.

Every day, I feel a little worse that I didn’t stand in line for two days to pick up a phone that I paid hundreds of dollars for just so I could be called a moron by the CEO of the company and then given a $30 rubber band free of charge.

Apple.  Think Different.

I mean besides the facts that he’s got incredible musical talent I don’t, he can pull off dressing like a fruit while I can’t and he’s a Jehovah’s Witness while I won’t even let them into the house?

Well, he can say things like “the internet is over”, and nobody blinks an eye.  The interview continues without any snickers.

That’s power.

In my opinion, you have two types of people that make a statement like this.  First, you have the person that is out of the loop enough to only be aware of something if it’s in the headlines.  Once it’s dropped to normal usage levels and is no longer talked about by people with nothing better to do than regurgitate the hot topic of the minute, they assume that it doesn’t exist any more.  All of the people that a few years ago said “blogging is dead”, “IRC is dead” or “facesitting is dead” obviously missed a memo. They don’t see it in the headlines any more, and they don’t personally utilize the technology any longer, ergo it’s dead. As we all know, these things still exist, they’re just no longer hyped.  Those that use the hype as their tool to gauge a technology’s usefulness are the type of people to use an on-off switch method of determining the popularity of something.

Then you have the person that says something is dead because they very much wish it were. Prince falls into this group. He wishes the internet is dead, so it’s dead.  You see, Prince sued various sites around the web a few years ago in an effort to keep people from seeing him prance around in purple leotards without paying good money to do so. Like many aging pop icons, he views the internet as the cause of his descent into obscurity. It’s not that he got so batshit crazy for a while that people really didn’t want to think about him, much less listen to him.  It’s the fact that a Youtube video of some drunk coeds had a soundclip of 1999 as the background music that has caused him to lose a mad amount of cash.

In spite of the reason he’s doing it, you have to feel kind of sorry for him.  He’s like your granddad that yells at kids to get off his lawn or that people are driving too fast around him.  Providing he doesn’t sue me for anything, he’ll continue to get nothing but pity from me, as I can totally relate.

Facebook and Twitter are dead.

Obama and Gaga race to 1 million Facebook followers.

This could be used as a perfect reason why I neither vote nor use Facebook.  I don’t know what amuses me more.  The fact that people think either Obama or Gaga update their own pages or whether anyone at all thinks those numbers represent actual fans.

Hey, speaking of Facebook, If you’re getting divorced, you’d better hope you’re not sharing too much. Who thought that this network that allowed you share every single detail of your life with people you don’t know could have been used against you? Frankly, I’m shocked.

Hey, speaking of divorce, if you’re a woman and you unsuccessfully attempt to murder your husband, not all is lost.  You can then divorce him and get half his shit. I have been well trained since childhood to know that I am supposed to apologize for being both white and male, but this might be going a little far.  Giving half of my stuff to someone after they fail at trying to kill me seems as if I’m awarding a consolation prize for their incompetence.

If I got mad enough to kill her, would they give me the stuff back?

Let me be completely honest.  I assumed this was a case of rotten grapes at first, and could picture Apple haters everywhere trying to pick the phone apart.  In the case of the yellow spots, it seems that might be the case, as the spots purportedly disappear as the adhesive between the plates of glass disappear when dry.  The cell signal deal seems to have teeth, however.  Tons of reports have confirmed that if you hold the phone while touching the antenna band on both sides of the face(the most common method of holding any phone), you’ll notice signal deterioration.

So 1.5 million early adopters have been rewarded with a phone that drops calls if they hold it a certain way.  Apple must be scrambling to fix this.  Well maybe, but if they are, nobody has told Steve Jobs.  When asked, he responded via email “Non issue.  Just avoid holding it in that way.“  The article continues to let you know that you can purchase a $30 rubber band to keep from touching the antenna in an effort to restore the functionality of the phone.

The whole thing makes me giggle.  Steve Jobs telling everyone that spent too much money on his phone was just told by him to quit their bitching and hold the phone some other way or buy a $30 rubber band for their new phone.

Which makes him the genius he is.  If anyone would pay $30 for a band of rubber, it’s someone that would stand in line for up to 48 hours for the iPhone.

Now, if you’re the type of parent that would take a picture of your little one playing with your bong, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d overlook the potential ramifications of posting the image on an international sharing site.

Let’s place the blame squarely upon the shoulders of those responsible:  Facebook’s confusing privacy settings.  Says the mom-of-the-year:

“And I took a pic to show one fucking person and it was a mistake. I would never, ever let him get high.”

Of course not.  What kind of mom would that make her?