Way to cover your tracks, supergenius.
by schwim on Feb.03, 2010, under Humorous
I noticed in my refers today something that made me smile:
Notice the one at the bottom. I looked back in the last year and five other people searched for “how to commit arson without getting caught” Doing a traceroute on all six IPs shows that proxies were not used during the search.
Here’s a pro-tip for all six of you. If you think it’s a good idea to search the web for this without using some kind of blind proxy, then you are not the type of person that will succeed at this particular endeavor. Think about hiring a professional.
Don’t know where to find one? Just Google it.
Edit: This is better than I ever could have imagined. Since posting this, 11 more mental midgets have visited to find out how to torch something without becoming the latest sausage recipient at the local prison.
Thanks for the smiles.
You really make it tough for those of us that don’t keep records.
by schwim on Feb.03, 2010, under Spam
From: David Benton <bentondav@web2mail.com>
Reply-To: bentonda@gmx.comSubj: Attention
This is For your Attention:
We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary
to the total sum of Four million Two hundred and Fifty Seven Thousand
Seventeen Pence (British Pounds Sterling) in the intent of the deceased
(names now withheld since this is our second letter to you). We
contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore we
can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance since there was
no written will. Our legal services aim to provide our private clients
with a complete service. We are happy to prepare wills, set-up and
administer Trusts, carry out the administration of estates and
prepare and administer Powers of Attorney.
All the papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your
acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to this
email: bentonda@gmx.com
Your letter of acceptance your current telephone and fax numbers
and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at
our High court probate division for the release of this sum of
money to you.Yours Sincerely,
David Benton
bentonda@gmx.com
Withheld? Two can play that game, Mr. Benton.
A tip of the hat to you, good sir.
by schwim on Feb.03, 2010, under Miscellaneous
I sometimes wish I lived a hundred years ago when every woman was a lady and every man was a gentleman. I know this to be an inarguable truth because everyone wore fancy hats.
Everybody.
Fucking everybody.
Oh, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.
by schwim on Feb.02, 2010, under Humorous
The fact that the author thought instructions on how to fall 35,000 feet and live was a feasible how-to article is kind of funny. It pales in comparison however, to this little tid-bit of info buried inside:
Then, if a feet-first entry is inevitable, the most important piece of advice, for reasons both unmentionable and easily understood, is to clench your butt.
Mental note: The next time I’m thrust out of a commercial airliner at cruising altitude, I absolutely must remember to put my reading material aside, pull my earphones and clench my asshole tightly at the end of the fall.
Your stories grow tiresome and unamusing… touch my monkey.
by schwim on Jan.29, 2010, under Spam
From: SERGENT CHUCK WHITE FITTE <sgt._chuck_whitee@o2.pl>
Reply-To: sgt._chuck_white@o2.plSubj: CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE
Hello,
My name is Chuck White Fitte. An American soldier serving in the Military of the 1st Armored Division in Hilla, 100km (60 miles) south of the capital, Baghdad Iraq. As you know, we are being attacked daily by insurgents and car bombings. I stumbled into a storage vault belonging to Uday Hussein.Saddam Hussein’s oldest son and discovered funds belonging to his family. The total amount is US$28.450 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills tightly tied in $1000.00 bundles. I want to secretly move this money to a reputable/sincere person for investment purposes. This is the reason for contacting you.
I am ready to compensate you with good percentage of the funds. The only thing i require from you is just for you to assist in moving the funds out of Iraq because Iraq is a war zone. I plan on using diplomatic means to shipping the money out as military cargo, using diplomatic immunity to London with the aid of my school friend who base in the U.K and has a chamber in central london. If you are interested I will send you his full details. My job is to find a good and respectable partner with great repute that i can trust that will assist. Can i trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone numbers which i will send to him for futher instructions.
This is 100% risk free.
All responses to:-
sgt._chuck_white@o2.plRespectfully,
Sgt.Chuck White Fitte.
You would think that you be required to be able to at least spell your rank.
I liked him better when he was a hot chick.
by schwim on Jan.25, 2010, under Spam
You guys remember Lt. Angela Stalwart of the U.S. Army? The hot gun toting babe that wanted to give me an undisclosed sum of money? Yeah, well now her name’s Graig(who in the hell spells their name like that?) and it’s 18 mil at stake this time:
From: Maj. Graig Mathews<graig.mathews@btinternet.com>
Reply-To: Maj. Graig Mathews<maj.graig.mathews@googlemail.com>
Subj: From Maj. Graig MathewsGood day and compliments of the season, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.
I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of Eighteen Million US Dollars ($18Million) to the States or any safe country, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.
I am Maj. General Graig Mathews, a US Marine; Major General serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment that Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you.This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.
SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein’s old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.Click this link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm
This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what?
No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole.
The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity)I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, who before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.
This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me and we would work out the necessary formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship. For the private nature of this reply me on this maj.graig.mathews@googlemail.com
Respectfully,
Maj. General Graig Mathews:
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ
Maj. General Mathews is so stupid that even Marines are thinking “Damn, he’s stupid.”…. right before they miss their mouth and accidentally stab themselves in the eye with their MRE spork. Nonetheless, I felt obligated to help him out.
And if you smoke, we’ll take away your oxygen.
by schwim on Jan.25, 2010, under Spam
Although it’s long been the most logical solution, this is the first time I’ve seen it seriously proposed. Australia is proposing to kick botnet zombie computers off the internet. The only ambiguous aspect of the article is they plan to determine which computers are bots. I would guess a mix of port 25 activity, a known list of “phone-home” IP’s and the like.
With some real forward thinking going on, they’re proposing that the owner of the infected computer is notified and from there, an escalation of action including slowing the connection and ending with terminating service. I imagine if the U.S. were proposing this, you’d be reading about prison time and compensation to your ISP for the lost bandwidth.
I hope it actually makes it to fruition, simply for the reason that I’m interested to see what the bot owners will do next.
Well sure, if you go and do that…
by schwim on Jan.11, 2010, under Humorous
The Sonim phone, advertised as unbreakable, was at the latest CES. Unfortunately for them, a BBC reporter broke it on video accidentally within 30 seconds of it being handed to him.
I imagine the CEO was living one of those “naked in the classroom” nightmares while waiting for them to turn off the camera.
We’re having the viewing on the tailgate at 2pm.
by schwim on Dec.30, 2009, under Humorous
Having moved years ago to an area rich with rednecks, I’ve had plenty of time to grow used to most of the odd regional customs. Some of them are even quite amusing(for instance, you can say anything about anyone as long as you append “God bless them” at the end; i.e. “That boy’s one stupid son of a bitch, God bless him.”). Others make you glad that you managed to climb further up the evolution ladder than the spot they are occupying (“I once overheard a man at a building supply store state “I’m going to go crazy if I don’t get out in the woods and kill something soon.”).
Some local customs still leave me wondering what in the Hell drives these people though. Case in point: Sharing the death of people close to you with whoever happens to be in the car behind yours. With the recent leaps in vinyl cutting technology, anyone can make stickers for their car now. This is great for those of us that would like to advertise our business. It’s not so great, however, if you spend a lot of your time in the south behind cars of people who have had a loved one die. I can appreciate that you mourn the loss of Bubba. This however doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a fucking clue who he is. If I did know who he was, I wouldn’t need a vinyl tombstone on the car in front of me to trigger the mourning process. It’s almost like that game people play on forums; “ban the person above your post”, but with a lot less of a happy-factor. “Share the death of a person with the car behind you.”
