E-Dribble

And so it begins…

From: Swiger Donald <ddds_usa@yahoo.com>
Subj: Donald Swiger

YOU

iam the diplomat with your consignment,iam in new york call me on 716 810 4314

Ooh, a consignment! Does it make a noise when you shake it?

To: Swiger Donald <ddds_usa@yahoo.com>
Subj: RE: Donald Swiger

Donald,

It seems that I’ve lost my cell phone whilst artificially inseminating a cow.  Is there any chance that we can deal with my consignment via email?

thanks,
ME

I found the phone, but I’m sure as hell not going to use it now.

From: Swiger Donald <ddds_usa@yahoo.com>
Subj: RE: RE: Donald Swiger

i have cleared the consignment ,i have to proceed to ur address.it will cost $850 to transport your  consignment to you,waiting for your response urgently

Address.it, huh? Well, I’ll see your TLD and raise you a couple of my own.

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A group behind a phone number originating in Delaware want to make me aware of a college degree that I can receive from them within hours.

What a bunch of maroons.  Everybody knows there’s three b’s in unbbbivesity.

Subj: TOYOTA CAMRY INTERNATIONAL LOTTO WINNER
From: TOYOTACN <huanglin36@263.net>
Reply-To: toyotamotorcn_promo2@263.net

TOYOTA INTERNATIONAL LOTTO (HEADQUATER)

Customer Service Department Affiliate of Toyota Japan .

3 – 4 Kojimachi Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo 102-0083 Japan JP.

We are pleased to inform you of the announcement made today, You are among the winners of the TOYOTA CAR INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAM Participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from 2,500,000 email addresses of individuals and companies from all part of the world as part of our electronic business Promotions Program.

As a result of your visiting various websites we are running the e-business promotions for. You/Your Company email address, attached to ticket number 343-221-8756, with serial number 454-17 drew the lucky numbers 3, 8, 13, 22, 27, 41 and Bonus number 12 , Your INSURANCE Number: FLS433/ 453L /GMSA and consequently you won in the Second Category of the TOYOTA FORTUNE LOTTO DRAW.

Due to the Recent problem related to our product we have decided to promote our new Toyota CamryЈ¬to reconfirm our stand to the recent fault in our brakes and malfunctioned parts in our product.

As part of this promotional statue we select you as a beneficiary of our Toyota Camry latest edition and a sum of (usd500, 000. 00). Five Hundred Thousand Dollars Only. Which will pay to you by swift card payment system? Or in any which way you want your money to be transferred to you as you may choose.

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Please be informed that your won fund of the sum of US$500,000.00 is now with the payee center. Contact our agent and give them your full names so that they will re-insure your winning fund under your full names. Together with the port where your winning car should be shiped to.

To begin your claim, please call our claim agent or send email immediately to:-.

Certificate Agent, Toyota Email Lotto.

Huang lin,

E-mail: – agent_huanglin36@126.com

E-mail: – toyotamotorcn_promo2@263.net

Phone: +86 13430549241

Fax: -  +86 010 950507 / 12769906  or 010 80115555.

NOTE: In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, Please quote your: -

1. Full name

2. Address/contact number

3. Country of origin

4. Age

5. Occupation

6. Tel/fax.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sarah Van Dorcas

Hon Co-ordinator.

From: Gracias Dare<gracias_dare@kaijinji.com>
Reply-To: ahmed.cuma@w.cn

Subj: Urgent attention needed on your outstanding payment.

Notification of your outstanding Payment
File code: 00/WACP/00709.

Attention: Beneficiary,

Regards to your unclaimed Fund $950.000, I wish to inform you that an official instruction has been passed, which stated that your fund will be paid through category ©, this category strictly stated that your total sum will be remitted through WESTERN UNION.

But, due to Western Union transfer rules, you will be entitled to $5,000.00 install-mental payment every day till the above mentioned fund is completely paid off.

Note, that your fund is covered with a comprehensive insurance bond, as a result of the insurance bond policy covering your total sum. You will be responsible for the notarization fee of $105 as this will enable our processing Attorney to notarize your remittance Form since you can not fly to (Bank of Africa) to fill out the required processing form, but if you can that will be better.

Endeavour to contact Dr. Ahmed Cuma on the below information for further directives and also to put you in contact with the Bank Officials for the release of your funds:

Contact person attn: Ahmed Cuma
E-mail: ahmed_cuma@w.cn

And never you fail to send to him the below requested info for proceedings;

Full Name:
Address:
Country:
City:
Tel:

Best Regards,
Mr. Gracias Dare (Legal adviser on financial matters)

I can almost picture this person flipping through a Merriam-Websters dictionary, choosing words at random.  Fortunately for me, it’s how I usually converse, so I am well-armed to fire back a volley of incomprehensibilities.

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From: Jennie Parker <Jennie.Parker@uwe.ac.uk>
Reply-To: tntcourierxpressservice02@gmail.com

Subj: From Mr. West Oduduwa!

You have been selected for a confirmable Bank Draft of $950,000.00 USD, which await the outstanding payment of $150USD.Contact the TNT Courier Express Company for claims with your information. Contact person Mr. West Oduduwa,Tel;+2347033325490 Email:tntcourierxpressservice02@gmail.com

Damn it, bitches!  stop bouncing my carriage about!  I’m trying to draft an email!

Hello Mr. Oduduwapduwapshebop,

Wow! This is the second bank draft I’ll have been made owner of in the last month!  Although I’m still living quite the lavish lifestyle from the last deposit made to my bank account, I would very much be interested in receiving these funds as well, since I’m a greedy and stupid American.  I’m currently traveling the Midwest U.S. via a concubine-carried carriage and my cell phone lost it’s charge over a week ago, so we will have to handle this situation via email and the U.S. postal service.

From your contact, it seems that I owe you $150.00, which I would like to take care of.  Please withdraw $150 from my bank account to pay the fee.  In fact, withdraw an extra $10.00 and treat yourself to a cappuccino.

thanks,
json

From: Rosemary Olds <zamamartins7@gmail.com>

Subj: Your response is needed

Attn:

This might be a surprise to you about where I got your contact address. But all the same, I believe we do not need to be of blood relatives before we can establish Cordial relationship.

My name is Mrs. zama Olds Martin, the wife of late Mr. Martin Olds Martin, of Masingo Province of Zimbabwe. During the current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supports of our President Robert Mugabe, to claim all the white-owned farms to his party members and his followers, he ordered all white farmers to surrender all their farms and Lands to his party members and his followers.

My husband is one of the richest farmers in our country and because he did not support President Mugabe’s ideas.His supporters invaded my husband’s farms and lands and burnt everything in the farms, killing my husband and made away with a lot of items.For more details visit: http://www.rte.ie/news/2000/0418/zimbabwe.html

Before my husband’s death he made it known to me that he deposited a huge sum of money with a Security Company in Johannesburg, South Africa. Then after my husband’s death, we decided to move to the Republic of South Africa seeking assylum.

I decided to contact you to assist me to transfer this fund out of South Africa because as (Refugee) Asylum seekers we are not allowed to operate any bank transaction within South Africa.

I have spent months in trying to get an overseas reliable contact, it is worthy to note that people are unreliable these days and even derive joy in telling lies.

On this ground I request your unreserved but sincere cooperation devoid of greed in carrying out this transaction so that no one amongst both of us shall defraud each other at the end. I am prepared to split the fund at 70%—30% for you, provided that mine (70%) will be intact at the end.

I wait your co-operation.

Thanks and God bless you.

Best Regards.

Mrs. Rosemary Martin Olds

Awwwwwkward…..

Hello there, Rosemary!

I must admit that at first, I was very curious about how you might have come across my contact email, but then I read the news article you linked to prove that you are really are truly who you say you are and that I can trust you because a Nigerian scammer would never link to something to try to prove that they are someone that they really are not.  After reading the article, it all made sense.  You see, I’m one of the guys that killed your husband and took over your farm and I lost my wallet somewhere that night.  I imagine you might not remember the specifics due to all the excitement of what was happening at the time, but I was the guy grunting like a baboon while hitting your husband in the head with a club crafted from one of those funny-face totems you can buy at the beach.  Let me tell you, my wife really gave me hell over that when she found bits of your husband’s brains and hair all over it.  In the end though, we both had a laugh over it, as you can’t stay angry when you’re looking at those funny faces.

Now that I have your farm, I see how very expensive it is running one and would very much appreciate 30% of your fortune.  I can’t get over how expensive everything is.  It’s admittedly getting cheaper every day, since I’ve eaten all of your cows, half of your goats, two of the slower running dogs and your daughter’s pet gerbil, but it’s still crazy expensive hiring people to do all the work around here(it’s very tiring and I’m more of a white-collar guy). If you would like to just bring the money by, I’ll be happy to meet you for tea.  Just call and leave a message with the butler(your son) and he’ll schedule you in.

thanks,
json

From: Advanced Finance <advancedfinance1@gmail.com>

Subj: Loan Offer at 3% (Serious Inquiry Only contact advancedfinance1@gmail.com)

DO YOU NEED A LOAN? IF YES THEN CONTACT US VIA EMAIL : advancedfinance1@gmail. com WITH YOUR INFORMATION.

THANKS

Before you judge me, just keep in mind that my wife left me, I’ve got a sick kid and my car just broke down.

From: Bob Wilson <gregsteve505@gmail.com>

Subj: URGENT ORDER

Hello
This is Bob and I will like to order ( Radial Piston )Do get back to me
with the types and cost for the ones you do carry and let me know if
there is an extra cost when using visa or master Card.Kindly get back
to me with your name Are you the sales manager or the Owner?
Regards….
Bob Wilson

Mr. Wilson, although it would seem that randomly spamming email addresses in search of radial pistons is an inefficient method of acquiring some, you’ve hit the lottery.

Hello Mr. Wilson,

We happen to have just under four billion radial pistons in stock, which you MUST purchase within the next four hours.  We don’t accept credit cards, however we are willing to barter for illiterate and ignorant Nigerians.  The way we’ve managed to create such a store of radial pistons is by having Nigerians shipped to us in exchange for past orders, placing them on the shop floor and telling them if they work really hard, they’ll get to meet a deposed prince’s wife.  They are whirling dervishes!

I look forward to your order.  You now have three hours, fifty two minutes and eleven seconds.

HURRY!
json
Head Sanitation Expert

I got a 419 scam in the form of an IRS refund notice, which is pretty ingenious.  Providing you don’t screw it up by forming the letter in the “illiterate and foreign 5 year old” format that is very popular with today’s scammers, it’s one of the more believable scams I’ve seen.  So why am I making fun of them?  Well, let’s just say they’re not aiming high enough.

From: Internal Revenue Service(IRS)
Subj: IRS Notification – Tax refund

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity
we have determined that you are eligible to receive
a tax refund under section 501(c) (3) of the
Internal Revenue Code. Tax refund value is $189.60.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days
in order to IWP the data received.
If u don’t receive your refund within 9 business
days from the original IRS mailing date shown,
you can start a refund trace online.

If you distribute funds to other organization, your records must show wether
they are exempt under section 497 (c) (15). In cases where the recipient org.
is not exempt under section 497 (c) (15), you must have evidence the funds will
be used for section 497 (c) (15) purposes.

If you distribute fund to individuals, you should keep case histories showing
the recipient’s name and address; the purpose of the award; the maner of
section; and the realtionship of the recipient to any of your officers, directors,
trustees, members, or major contributors.
To access the form for your tax refund, please click here

This notification has been sent by the Internal Revenue Service,
a bureau of the Department of the Treasury.

Sincerely Yours,
John Stewart
Director, Exempt. Organization
Rulings and Agreements Letter
Internal Revenue Service

$189.60? Really? I’m going to risk all of my personal data for less than two hundred dollars?  Let me tell you something, Mr. IRS scammer.  I don’t get out of bed for anything under 500.  Shoot me another email when your fictitious refund represents something worth having.

This is exactly why I stick with deposed royalty.

It seems Alibaba has some skeletons in his closet:

From: Mr Adada Dilshad <crusadersails@btconnect.com>
Reply-To: wahidadada300@yahoo.co.jp

Subject: Charity Funds

Hello Friend,

I am Mr. Adada an Oil merchant in Iraq; i have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts, just recently my doctor inform me i have a few weeks to live due to the esophageal cancer. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fifteen million dollars $15, 000, 000,00 that I have with a Financial institution abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to
charity organizations. It may interest you to know that i once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization; they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

I have set aside 10% for you and for your time.

God be with you.

Mr. Adada

I’m shocked that you think my time is worth so little.

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