From: Internal Revenue Service(IRS)
Subj: IRS Notification – Tax refund

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity
we have determined that you are eligible to receive
a tax refund under section 501(c) (3) of the
Internal Revenue Code. Tax refund value is $189.60.
Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days
in order to IWP the data received.
If u don’t receive your refund within 9 business
days from the original IRS mailing date shown,
you can start a refund trace online.

If you distribute funds to other organization, your records must show wether
they are exempt under section 497 (c) (15). In cases where the recipient org.
is not exempt under section 497 (c) (15), you must have evidence the funds will
be used for section 497 (c) (15) purposes.

If you distribute fund to individuals, you should keep case histories showing
the recipient’s name and address; the purpose of the award; the maner of
section; and the realtionship of the recipient to any of your officers, directors,
trustees, members, or major contributors.
To access the form for your tax refund, please click here

This notification has been sent by the Internal Revenue Service,
a bureau of the Department of the Treasury.

Sincerely Yours,
John Stewart
Director, Exempt. Organization
Rulings and Agreements Letter
Internal Revenue Service

$189.60? Really? I’m going to risk all of my personal data for less than two hundred dollars?  Let me tell you something, Mr. IRS scammer.  I don’t get out of bed for anything under 500.  Shoot me another email when your fictitious refund represents something worth having.

This is exactly why I stick with deposed royalty.

From: Mr Adada Dilshad <crusadersails@btconnect.com>
Reply-To: wahidadada300@yahoo.co.jp

Subject: Charity Funds

Hello Friend,

I am Mr. Adada an Oil merchant in Iraq; i have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts, just recently my doctor inform me i have a few weeks to live due to the esophageal cancer. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fifteen million dollars $15, 000, 000,00 that I have with a Financial institution abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to
charity organizations. It may interest you to know that i once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization; they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

I have set aside 10% for you and for your time.

God be with you.

Mr. Adada

I’m shocked that you think my time is worth so little.

Dear Mr. Dilweed,

First allow me to say how sorry I am that you’re going to die soon. Secondly, allow me to say I hope you make all efforts to stay alive until we’ve worked out the problems with your financial offering. There are some fantastic advancements that have been made in medicine. As long as you promise to be careful and not squander my money on it, I would hope that you impress upon the doctors how important it is that you remain with us until this transaction is finished.

Now, I would like to discuss the amounts of compensatory money that you are proposing. It seems to me that for all the shitty things you’ve done in this life, the amount of money you’re going to use to ease your conscience is a little on the light side. I mean 15 million? Bill Gates gives that away every time he finds a kid on the street using a Macintosh. Don’t think for a minute that you’re less evil than Bill Gates. Bill has been spending decades easing his conscience and he’s not even been told he’s going to die soon. That makes Bill a good guy. You spending 15 million after being such a complete fucktard and only after being told you’re about to take an eternal dirt nap makes you a cheap bastard.

Come back to me when the numbers are a little bigger, Mr. Dilweed and then we’ll talk shop.

thanks,
json

From: David Benton <bentondav@web2mail.com>
Reply-To: bentonda@gmx.com

Subj: Attention

This is For your Attention:

We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary
to the total sum of Four million Two hundred and Fifty Seven Thousand
Seventeen Pence (British Pounds Sterling) in the intent of the deceased
(names now withheld since this is our second letter to you). We
contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore we
can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance since there was
no written will. Our legal services aim to provide our private clients
with a complete service. We are happy to prepare wills, set-up and
administer Trusts, carry out the administration of estates and
prepare and administer Powers of Attorney.
All the papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your
acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to this
email: bentonda@gmx.com
Your letter of acceptance your current telephone and fax numbers
and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at
our High court probate division for the release of this sum of
money to you.

Yours Sincerely,
David Benton
bentonda@gmx.com

Withheld? Two can play that game, Mr. Benton.

Hi there David and thanks so much for notifying me of this again! I replied to you the last time you contacted me, but I guess you were busy helping other beneficiaries get their money. Now that you’re ready to work with me again, I want to get this processed as quickly as possible as the money couldn’t come at a better time. You see, I’ve begun breeding Nigerians in a makeshift farm in my backyard. I plan on putting them to work writing scam emails as soon as they gain confident control of their fingers. I’m going to need a lot of money to make this work though, so let’s get started. Here’s my info that you asked for.

Name: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Date of Birth: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Social Security Number: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Credit Card account with most money available: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Bank account(with routing number): (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Penis Length: 5 inches
Mailing Address: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Phone Number: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)

I can’t wait to get this wrapped up, David. I’m very much looking forward to that check. To expedite this, please send all future correspondence to (now withheld since this is my second letter to you) as it’s the email account that I check the most often.

thanks,
json

From: SERGENT CHUCK WHITE FITTE <sgt._chuck_whitee@o2.pl>
Reply-To: sgt._chuck_white@o2.pl

Subj: CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE

Hello,

My name is Chuck White Fitte. An American soldier serving in the Military of the 1st Armored Division in Hilla, 100km (60 miles) south of the capital, Baghdad Iraq. As you know, we are being attacked daily by insurgents and car bombings. I stumbled into a storage vault belonging to Uday Hussein.Saddam Hussein’s oldest son and discovered funds belonging to his family. The total amount is US$28.450 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills tightly tied in $1000.00 bundles. I want to secretly move this money to a reputable/sincere person for investment purposes. This is the reason for contacting you.

I am ready to compensate you with good percentage of the funds. The only thing i require from you is just for you to assist in moving the funds out of Iraq because Iraq is a war zone. I plan on using diplomatic means to shipping the money out as military cargo, using diplomatic immunity to London with the aid of my school friend who base in the U.K and has a chamber in central london. If you are interested I will send you his full details. My job is to find a good and respectable partner with great repute that i can trust that will assist. Can i trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone numbers which i will send to him for futher instructions.
This is 100% risk free.
All responses to:-
sgt._chuck_white@o2.pl

Respectfully,
Sgt.Chuck White Fitte.

You would think that you be required to be able to at least spell your rank.

You mis-spelled sergeant, you fucking retard.

I could go on, but you know what sergent? This scam has grown so old, it’s not even fun to mock you.

Do me a favor, and check out these links:

http://www.infosprite.com/2010/01/25/i-liked-him-better-when-he-was-a-hot-chick/
http://www.infosprite.com/2009/10/22/they-sell-websters-at-the-bx/

After reading these, do me another favor. Stop being a complete incapable douche bag and come up with something new. The whole world has grown tired of your copying and pasting.

thanks,
json

From: Maj. Graig Mathews<graig.mathews@btinternet.com>
Reply-To: Maj. Graig Mathews<maj.graig.mathews@googlemail.com>
Subj: From Maj. Graig Mathews

Good day and compliments of the season, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.

I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of Eighteen Million US Dollars ($18Million) to the States or any safe country, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.
I am Maj. General Graig Mathews, a US Marine; Major General serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment that Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you.

This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein’s old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.

Click this link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what?

No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole.
The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity)

I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, who before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.

This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me and we would work out the necessary formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship. For the private nature of this reply me on this maj.graig.mathews@googlemail.com

Respectfully,
Maj. General Graig Mathews:
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Maj. General Mathews is so stupid that even Marines are thinking “Damn, he’s stupid.”….  right before they miss their mouth and accidentally stab themselves in the eye with their MRE spork. Nonetheless, I felt obligated to help him out.

Well, hello there sir!   You’re absolutely right, it’s quite a shock to receive an unsolicited email concerning millions of dollars from someone that can’t even tell me my name.  I want your money… I mean, I want to help you keep your money,  but I don’t know if you’re really the person that should be dealing with sums of money this large.  I mean, you’re either mistaken in your rank(your email address has you as a Major(O-4) or you are indeed a Major General(O-8), the third highest pay grade in all of my beloved Marine Corps, yet you’re attached to a Battalion, a post that would be reserved for a Major(O-4) or even lower. If you are indeed a Major General, then you’re either related to the Commandant of the Marine Corps or you’re blowing him, because anyone that’s an O-8 and working at the battalion level would have been shitcanned by now because he’s incompetent or retarded…. or both.  Well, that or he’s in the Navy.

Initially, I thought it would be very tough to handle a sum of cash this large, but as I pondered your level of competence, I began wondering if I was over-thinking the situation.  Maybe we’re not dealing with that large of a sum. I have to keep in mind that you’re either not smart enough to know what rank you are, or you’re a MajGen that can’t be trusted to be in charge of anything more important than sandbags.  Someone as stupid as you might have simply lost count amidst all the zeros.  Could you please have your British contact count the number of circles behind the one and eight and get back to me?  Be sure to tell him that if there’s a dot, to quit counting.

I’ll await your response.   If we’re truly dealing with eighteen million dollars, I’m going to suggest that we have your British contact kill then gut you, stuff you full of the loot and then ship your corpse to me for a “proper burial”. If we’re dealing with 180 dollars, then I’ll just have you write me a check and drop it in the mail. I eagerly await your response.

Ooh Rah!
json
Cpl. USMC(Retired)

From: febian george <febiangeorge8@sify.com>
Date: Dec 16
Reply-to: febiangeorge202@sify.com
Subject: HELLO

I have US$33m to invest and if you are interested contact me for further details I am looking forward to hearing from you. via e_mail, febiangeorge202@sify.com

yours sincerely,
DR,Febian George
For the Family

I feel I owe Febian something in exchange for all the time he’s going to save me in the future:

Hi there Febian,

I must say that I’ve come up blank on something you can invest in, so I must sadly decline your completely anonymous and random solicitation attempting to give me your hard earned money to invest in shit you know nothing about. However, your email got me thinking.  I’ve spent my whole life actually qualifying people before I attempt to invite them to do something that can put my welfare at risk.  After reading your email however, I’ve come to realize that I can dispose of all the extra shit and just ask practically anyone anything I’d like.  If you don’t mind, I’m going to start with you, since you, better than anyone else I know understand what took an epiphany for me to realize.  Here goes:

Hi there Febian,

I recently agreed to kill two men and I have dispatched the job at hand without issue.  I now find myself, however, needing some assistance in disposing of the bodies.  I’m writing to ask your assistance, either by physically assisting me in getting rid of them or by offering me some pointers in disposing of them myself.  The bodies are currently residing in the trunk of my car.  If needed, I can supply the address that I reside at to help you if you decide to actually assist me in getting rid of them.  I know I can completely trust you not to share this information with anyone that might disapprove of these murders.

yours sincerely,
Hitman, json
For the Mafia

From: Latisha Gabriel <-dawoodjan@jennysdesktop.eau.wi.charter.com>
To: nurepont@gmail.com
Date: Nov 25, 2009 9:54 AM
Subject: I will wait

Hello! My name is Lyudmila. and i am from Russia. I found your email and i want to write you.
Iam searching my real love and looking for a dating in Internet.

Probably you are surprised to receive this letter but if you are interesting then you can answer me only to my personal e-mail: lyudmillaleb@yahoo.com

I will wait
Lyudmila.

Perfect timing!

Hi there Lyudmila!

It just so happens that one of my most popular bitches died recently due to an unfortunate fight that broke out during a gang bang. I have an opening for you, providing you’re open to water sports, choking and being the recipient of a donkey punch or two.

Please let me know if you’re interested and I’ll sort all of transportation details.

Love,
json

Subject: Mail from Rose
From: Rose Mensah <rosemensah1@yahoo.in>

Reply-To: rose_mensah85@hotmail.com

- Dear Friend, My name is Rose Mensah, a female of 23 years old and a 3rd year student of UNIVERSITY OF GHANA. My father was in the Precious Stone industry and owned mines in Tanzania, He also used to deal (buy and sell) in diamonds from Angola, Ghana, Sierra Leone and Democratic Republic of Congo (former Zaire).It is sad to say that he died of the deadly Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome – AIDS on the 15th July, 2007.Two days after my father was pronounced HIV positive, my mother Committed suicide. Now, I can no longer walk freely on the streets, at school or even in the church without being pointed at or gossiped about. This development has affected me academically, physically and Psychologically and I have decided to come over to your country where I Would have peace to live and further my education and have contacted you to assist me to transfer out the sum of $US 5.3Million and 75kilos of gold and diamond which my father deposited with Safety company, for my upkeep when it became Obvious he was going to die. I intend to invest this money in your business or any other business you deem healthy. However I will appreciate if you keep my letter confidential or delete if you do not accept my proposal, you will be rewarded with 20% of the total funds for your efforts, I Thanking you in anticipation Rose Mensah

I reply:

Well, hello Rose!  My name is json, a middle age man with tons of money and little common sense.  My father developed the globally accepted method of milking hamsters, which ensured our financial well-being.  Just like you, my father contracted AIDS and shortly thereafter died.  My mother ran off with a business partner of my father’s, to continue living the life of style that a hamster milker made possible. So here I sit with millions of dollars and nothing to do with it.  Luckily for you, all Americans are:

1) Greedy
2) Stupid

So I am indeed looking forward to trying to get this money you speak of. I’ve done a little research and have come up with the perfect way of getting your money to me.  I’ll explain in two stages:

The cash:  This one is a piece of cake.  I’ve come up with a foolproof method of getting the cash to me.

1) Go to the bank and withdraw all of the funds.  Request the total amount in $5 bills.
2) Go to the grocery store.  Purchase birthday, get well, apology and holiday cards.  Buy them all.
3) Fill the card out to me and slip $5 into it.
4) Profit!

You’ll need 1, 060, 000 cards.

The gold:  A little bit harder situation to solve, but I think you’ll agree that I’ve outdone myself.

Ask yourself this; How do people transfer drugs internationally?  I’ll tell you how.  They shove condoms of the stuff up their ass so nobody can find it! And who likes to have things shoved up their asses?  Gay guys!  I propose that we hire a bunch of gay men, send them to Ghana for a “vacation”, then refuse to send them back until they’ve agreed to carry a half kilo of gold back to me in their ass.  We will need 150 gay guys to do this, so I suggest that we put in ad in Craig’s List in San Fransisco. We’ll also need some Vasaline for your part of the process and a lot of soap for mine.

I’m sure you can now see that with my problem solving aptitude, you’ve nothing to worry about in regards to getting your money over to the United States.  I’ll be waiting patiently for your response.

thanks,
json

First, a screenshot:

Now, for the meat and potatoes of his attempt:

Subject: FROM WESTERN UNION POST OFFICE
From: Steve Lomas <stevelomas20@yahoo.com>

Reply-To: stevelomas20@yahoo.com

You’re invited to: FROM WESTERN UNION POST OFFICE

By your host: Steve Lomas

Date: Friday 23 October 2009

Time: 16:00 – 17:00 (GMT +00:00)

Street: Dear Beneficiary,Your Payment has been sent to you,I write to inform you that we have already sent you USD $5000.00 through Western union as we have been given the mandate to transferyourfullcompensationpaymenttotalsumofUSD80,000.00via western union bythisgovernemnt.Iwascallingyourtelephone number to give you the information through phone butyoudid notpickupmycallsthroughoutthatyesterdayeventhismorning.Now, I decided to email you the MTCN and sender name so that youwillpickupthisUSD5000.00toenableussendanotherUSD5000.00todayasyouknowwewillbesendingyouonlyUSD5000.00perday.Please pick up this information and run to westernuniontopickup the USD5000.00 and call me back to sendyouanotherpaymentto day.CONTACT PERSON: James MarkEmail: (western_union@ir.ae) Direct phone line is+229-9395 7844, call or email me once you picked up this USD5000.00 today.Here isthewesternunion information to pickuptheUSD5000.00;MTCN:3806485427Sender’s Name:JamesSherburneextQuestion:HONESTAnswer:TRUSTAmount:USD 5000.00 I am waiting for your call once you pick up this USD5000.00,PleaseemailmeyourdirecttelephonenumberbecauseIneedtobecallingyouoncewesendanypaymentfortheinformations.ThanksSteveLomas.

Will you attend? RSVP to this invitation

Can you RSVP a swift kick in the ass?

Hi there,

I just wanted to congratulate you.  This email represents the most asinine, insipid and ridiculous attempt at a 419 scam I have ever received(and I have received a lot).

You must be the dumbest son of a bitch on the face of the earth if you thought that this effort might result in making some money.  Seriously.  Take a look at your “Western Union notice” below.  Are you such a retard that you think that might look like something Western Union would send out?

Seriously consider whether you offer anything of substance and value to absolutely anyone on this earth.  Anyone at all.  If, as I suspect, you find that you do nothing more than take up space and burn up oxygen, I politely invite you to walk in front of a moving train.

If you can’t find a train, then please consider holding your breath until you die*.

Thanks very  much and look forward to hearing back from you,
json

*Note that once unconscious, you will need assistance in the form of someone holding your nose and mouth closed.  I would like to offer my services, but will need funds to purchase airfare.  You can Western Union me the money.

Subject: HAVE YOU RECEIVE MY EMAIL? 20/10/2009
From: LT. Angela Stalwart <stawartlt.agela@yahoo.pl>
Reply-To: stawartlt.agela@yahoo.pl

Greetings,

I know you would be surprised to read from someone relatively unknown to you.

My name is LT. Angela Stalwart, a member of the U.S. ARMY USARPAC Medical Team, which was deployed to Iraq at the beginning of the war in Iraq.

I would like to share some highly personal classified information about my personal experience and role which I played in the pursuit of my career serving under the U.S 1st Armored which was at the fore-front of the war in Iraq.

Though, I would like to hold back certain information for security reasons for now until you have found the time to visit the BBC website stated below to enable you have an insight into what I intend sharing with you, believing that it would be of your desired interest one-way or the other.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm Also, could you get back to me having visited the above website to enable us discuss in a more clarifying manner to the best of your understanding.

I must say that I’m very uncomfortable sending this message to you without knowing truly if you would misconstrue the importance and decides to go public.

In this regards, I will not hold back to say that the essence of this message is strictly for mutual benefit between you and I and nothing more.

I will be vivid and coherent in my next message in this regards, meanwhile, could you send me an email confirming that you have visited the site and that you have understood my intentions? I will await your thoughts.

Best Regards

LT. Angela Stalwart

This message and any attachments may contain information that is confidential to Intouch. If you are not the intended recipient you cannot use, distribute or copy the message or attachments. In such a case, please notify the sender by return email immediately and erase all copies of the message and attachments. Opinions, conclusions and other information in this message and attachments that do not relate to the official transaction of Intouch are neither given nor endorsed by it.

– Este mensaje ha sido analizado por MailScanner en busca de virus y otros contenidos peligrosos, y se considera que está limpio.

Angela, I want you to walk toward the light.

Hello to you, Angela.  You would think I might be surprised at your contacting me, but I’ve known you were going to attempt to long before you thought of the idea of stealing people’s money.  In fact, I know the number of hairs on your head.

Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Jesus. To prove the legitimacy of my claim, I am going to link a page that discusses a person known as Jesus and discusses Him at length: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus

So you see, I am most definitely Him.

Allow me to say how very disappointed in you I am. I’ve long ago given up on your brethren that still cling to the “dying woman wanting to give away her money” and was momentarily hopeful that I had been contacted by a scamming piece of shit that wanted to go the extra mile.  Don’t get me wrong, the old “pull a web page discussing a real person out of my ass” trick has been well used, but you’ve gone the extra mile of using events that have transpired in the last decade to lend some credibility to your tale.

But then you went and fucked it all up.

Although the good Lord(my dad) knows that the Army isn’t the brightest bunch, they have for the most part mastered the English language. You, my friend, have not.  Reading your letter is like watching a Special Olympics dart throwing contest.  It’s just painful.  I would pull out a couple of your best atrocities, but to be completely honest, there are so many that I really have no idea where to start.  Reading it makes me want to punch you in the face, and I’m Jesus.  Just imagine what the unwashed masses are feeling when they receive this.  You’re fucking lucky that you’re in Malaysia where no decent human being lives or else one of the recipients of your email would find you and beat the flying shit out of you.

If that wasn’t enough, take a look at your return email address; stawartlt.agela@yahoo.pl.  Am I to believe that there are so many Lieutenant Angela Stalwarts registering email accounts at a Polish webmail system that you had to intentionally misspell your name, or were you just too stupid to type what we’re to believe is your name correctly?  You know what?  I’m Jesus, so I already know and without being cruel, let’s just say that nobody else is registering Lieutenant Angela Stalwart at the Polish Yahoo site….. stupid.

Angela, I want you to take some of that money you’ve made from the retards that believe the bullshit you pedal and I want you to buy a dictionary.  If, as I suspect, your attempt is so pathetic that you’ve not yet found anyone stupid enough to believe your scam, I want you to ask one of the other pieces of shit at the internet cafe to proofread your letter before sending it out.

And stop masturbating so much.  You’re going to break something.

Love,
Jesus