E-Dribble » incompetent

I guess it’s kind of like “Choose Your Own Adventure”.

schwim — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:25:10 +0000

Found in the spam folder:

Infosprite…

[...] something about infosprite[...]…

Oh yeah?

Spamming piece of shit…

[...] something concerning a funnel, a bottle of sulphuric acid and the spamming piece of shit’s colon[...]…

I thinking you all is a big retarded.

schwim — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 23:34:24 +0000

Either Chinese gold farmers need to purchase a fucking dictionary, or Blizzard has been overrun by illiterate and foreign twelve year olds:

Greetings!

Recently, the problem of account invasion is getting worse and worse which cause enormous players’equipments and virtual currency stolen. This severely damages the benefits of mass players, also causes our company lose a lot of customers.

Our company has to adopt some measures to safeguard our common benefits in order to strengthen the safety of mass players’accounts, and firmly resist the account to be stolen again.Through our company’s research and investigation to xxx customers,we will make the following decisions: we launch a package of updated code strengthen system and dynamic code protection card which can effectively prevent the accounts invaded. We will send this package of code protection system to players free of charge.

Please open this connection: http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/secure

If your account passes the check successfully, we will send this package of dynamic code protection card to you in the form of e-mail.

In 3 days after you receiving the e-mail, if you don’t submit your information, we have right to freeze your account, every player is obligated to protect the safety of the account. You must work together with us to be determined to crack down all the behaviors of destroying games.

If you had already authenticator your account, please disregard this automatic notification.

Regards,

The World of Warcraft Support Team
Blizzard Entertainment
http://www.blizzard.com/support/wowindex/

I keep hearing that the US is at risk of being taken over by the Chinese. After reading this, I think we’ve got a while.

I bet they order their widgits from Acme.

schwim — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:46:25 +0000

AT&T has been in the news quite a bit recently for their humorous attempts at astroturfing their agenda on net neutrality. Techdirt points us to their latest and most humorous endeavour. AT&T releases a letter against net neutrality from a group of senior citizens but forgot to find/replace XYZ corporation.

I’m torn over which is more funny; the fact that they still haven’t figured out how to draft one of these fake letters in support of their agenda in spite of how often they do it or the fact that nobody can confirm the existence of the Arkansas Retired Seniors Coalition.

It must be the kindler, gentler cancer I’ve heard about.

schwim — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:58:38 +0000

If you check the archives, you’ll see a letter identical to this in almost every way. The author didn’t even bother to change the names, in an effort to keep his prospective victims from realizing he’s a spamming incompetent via Google.

Subject: Dear Child,
From: rose smith

Reply-To: williamsmith.2020@live.com

Dear Child,

May God lead you my child.

My name is Mother Rose Smith,a widow to late William Smith, a business merchant here in London,who die after a protracted illness in may 2nd, 2007 ,I am presently undergoing Treatments in Southampton ,England. I have been diagnosed with hydatidiform mole cancer and esophageal cancer that was discovered very late due to lack of caring for my health.That was traced to be the source of my barrenness according to the experts. I have only about a few months to live according to this medical experts.

I am looking for someone reliable and trusted that can use my fund worth 7.5$ (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand ) with CITI BANK UK for the less privileges and orphanage homes. Since i can’t survive this illness. Please contact me through this email address immediately with your

Name,
Address
phone number
and the Name of your Church:

Warm Greetings from,

Mother Rose Smith.

What can I do with this? I’m as tired of writing the same response as you are of reading it. Frankly, my exasperation is beginning to show.

Dear Rose,

Don’t you get tired of using the same fucking email that every other Nigerian scammer is using over and over again? Seriously. I’ve built a whole site around ridiculing your kind ( http://www.infosprite.com/category/spam/ You’ll notice that the first in the category is the same email you’ve sent me from August 4th ). The least you could do is take a moment to try to come up with something different. I’ve grown so tired of seeing the same dying lady with the same dead husband, trying to give away the same fake money in the name of God. For the love of Jesus, can’t you come up with a gay guy dying of aids that wants to give his solid gold bars stolen from a pirate-themed restaurant in Key West to someone he doesn’t know? Anything! Just give me something to work with!

I very much hope that you consider trying to draft up something new. You’ve already proven that you’re not the sharpest crayon in the box by sending me this email but nonetheless, I’m praying that you try. Please keep my email address handy and send me a copy when you’ve finished it.

Who knows, maybe I’ll even send you all my money.

thanks,
json

The weary traveller

schwim — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:44:42 +0000

It seems that she would be too tired to write, what with all the globe hopping:

Subject: VERY URGENT: PLEASE CONTACT ME
From: LAQUANYA EVET HILLARD

Reply-To: vivianwalter1954@yahoo.jp

I am Mrs.Vivian Walter,the wife of Mr.Edwards Walter,I am a citizen of the United states. My husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Saudi Arabia before he died in the year 2004. my husband deposited the sum of (12.5 Million Pounds) with a Bank.the management just wrote me as the beneficiary that our account has been DORMANT and if I can not ACTIVATE the ACCOUNT,the funds will be CONFISCATED.I just want you to Stand as beneficiary for the Funds.reach me: vivian_walter54@hotmail.com

Remain blessed.
Mrs. Vivian Walter.

And the ever-helpful response:

So your name is Vivian Walter, with an email address of Laquanya

Hillard, who is an American citizen using a Japanese mail account discussing a dead husband that resided in Saudi Arabia?

Holy shit, you’re really bad at this.

thanks,
json

EDIT: She’s on to us, and now using a hotmail account, since that adds a sense of legitimacy: vivian_walter54@hotmail.com

All that and a bag of crass advertisements

schwim — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 04:07:58 +0000

Then you might want to install Firefox.

So that’s why you might want to start reading this post from the bottom.

But no adblock. Oh, and the return key moves the cursor above the written text and not below.

Opera does have widgets though. You can get clocks, tetris, clocks, calandars, word of the day, clocks, panic buttons that do nothing, clocks, more clocks and then clocks in the shape of Big Ben.

Spell check? Default on Firefox. In Opera, typing as;dflkjasbndf doesn’t sound off any alarms. Seriously. as;flkjasfhg. See?

Well, it’s no Firefox. I like being different as much as the next guy, but I don’t want to do it at the cost of having to view advertisements. Want to block ads in Opera? Well, you need to grab the filter lists that the Adblock add-on (for Firefox) uses and input it into your exception list into Opera. Because we all know that you like to hand code your filter lists.

Aside from this slightly humorous and quite hard to miss shortcoming of the browser built by guys that once thought it a good idea to charge for what everyone else gave away for free, what else do I think about it?

Genius, guys.

That’s right. Hitting return starts a new paragraph above the previous one.

So why are you reading this backwards? Well, you’re reading it backwards because this is how Opera handles it when I hit the return key while entering a post into a WordPress blog.

I’m into the third day on my third trip of the month and it’s midnight. I’m too tired to work any more but not tired enough to go to bed. Looking at my to-do list, I see that I haven’t tried Opera 9.5 since it was released. I decide to upgrade my Opera install and give it a spin.

419: But I don’t remember applying for a grant.

schwim — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:31:35 +0000

Our latest contestant:

Subject: FDV.Grant Award Donations!!!
From: “Fondazion Di Vittorio, ITALY”
Reply-To: Sir Mario Domenico

Fondazion Di Vittorio, ITALY
http://www.fondazionedivittorio.it
GRANT PIN NO.: (N-222-6747,E-900-56)

We bring to your notice the
decision by the Board of Trustees of Fondazione di
Vittorio to choose you as one of the final
recipients of a cash grant for your own personal,
educational,and business development.

To celebrate the new year and in coincidence
with our 31st anniversary,we are giving out
a donation of 500,000.00 Euro(Five Hundred Thousand Euro).
Each to 40 lucky recipients who there e-mail have been
selected from over 125,000 websites all over the globe,
as charity donations/aid from the Fondazione
di Vittorio, ECOWAS, EU and the UNO
in accordance with enabling acts of Parliament.

To File for your grant award you are expected
to send us the following detail to
facilitate the release of your grant prize.”(1)Full-Name,
(2)Age,(3)Sex,(4)Full Mailing Address and (5)Phone Number”.

Regards.
Sir Mario Domenico
Fondazione Representative
Contact E-mail:fdvoffice77@aim.com
Tele:+00393291419908

And his deserved response:

Hey there fuckstick,

Just a few points for you to ponder:

1) Umm, grant, award or donation…. which is it? Did you just come up with all the “crapload of cash” keywords you could think of and throw it into the subject line?

2) If your email states that you are celebrating the new year, you should be closer than 6 months from the new year, since that’s the farthest you can possibly be from said new year.

3) If you’re going to provide a PIN, at least take the time to have it dynamically generated or else it works really well to match you against the 419 databases.
Google Link
I’m sure in your quest to get what’s in my bank account you don’t want to waste any time creating a story that might make me want to give you my account numbers, but surely you can take a little time to actually create some code that makes it a little harder to confirm that you’re just a lazy piece of shit.

4) For the love of Christ, an Italian firm wanting to give away 20 million Euro is not going to use an AOL Instant Messenger email address. If you link to http://www.fondazionedivittorio.it to lend your email some credibility, then you should really have an email address that uses the fondazionedivittorio.it domain. What, can the foundation not afford to provide you an email address?

5) How stupid are you to make the address at the bottom link to E-mail:fdvoffice77@aim.com? If the people you are sending this email to are stupid enough to send you money, then they are too stupid to realize that you’re too stupid to make a proper link. That’s like stupid squared, or something.

If you will simply strive to be just a little bit less of a fucktard, the chances are good that you may actually get to ruin someone’s life by stealing all their money. As it stands now though, you just look like a lazy and incompetent dipshit.

thanks,
json

If I wanted that type of performance, I would have installed Windows

schwim — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 01:36:25 +0000

I installed Fedora 9 tonight.

Shortly after, I replaced my Fedora 7 install.

Gone are the days of out of the box successful networking. Where any OS would recognize that you are connected to a network, Fedora now requires you to set up your network, much like Fedora 2. Also, you can now welcome the arrival of the Vista-esque oversized graphical icons and laggy desktop performance.

I think we have witnessed Fedora’s jumping of the shark.