I’m slacking, I know. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. I’ve laid block, torn whole exterior walls out and replaced them with windows. Oh, and I spent four days at my in-law’s for Thanksgiving. That’ll curb your productivity. All this time, the Christmas deadline has been looming over my head so you can imagine how it hurts me to let the more fantastic articles and spam fly by without putting finger to keyboard.
This, though…. this I just couldn’t let go by without doing my part. “Twitter is the most used word of 2009″.
It seems that she would be too tired to write, what with all the globe hopping:
Subject: VERY URGENT: PLEASE CONTACT ME
From: LAQUANYA EVET HILLARD <HILLALE@MAIL.BROWARD.EDU>
I am Mrs.Vivian Walter,the wife of Mr.Edwards Walter,I am a citizen of the United states. My husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Saudi Arabia before he died in the year 2004. my husband deposited the sum of (12.5 Million Pounds) with a Bank.the management just wrote me as the beneficiary that our account has been DORMANT and if I can not ACTIVATE the ACCOUNT,the funds will be CONFISCATED.I just want you to Stand as beneficiary for the Funds.reach me: email@example.com
Mrs. Vivian Walter.
And the ever-helpful response:
So your name is Vivian Walter, with an email address of Laquanya
Hillard, who is an American citizen using a Japanese mail account discussing a dead husband that resided in Saudi Arabia?
Holy shit, you’re really bad at this.
EDIT: She’s on to us, and now using a hotmail account, since that adds a sense of legitimacy: firstname.lastname@example.org
If you jail victims of theft, then eventually, you will run out of potential victims.
So says Olu Agbi, the Nigerian high commissioner, concerning the victims of 419 scams.
People who send their money are as guilty as those who are asking them to send the money.
Another of his quotable quotes:
It is not in the character of Nigerians to be engaged in this kind of scam.
This coming from the commissioner whose country had a scam named after it.
It seems that I’m finding myself unable to muster the linquistic prowess to have some fun and now am just using the verbal equivalent of a sledgehammer.
Lady Julia Peters wrote:
Subject: I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
From: Lady Julia Peters <email@example.com>
Date: 07:59 PM
Hi there Julia,
I hope you die soon. I hope it’s painful. Finally, I hope you rot in hell after your death.
Before you give me any grief, keep in mind that a proper lady should never use texting abbereviations. Especially if she’s dying of cancer. God h8s ur abbrvs.
Contrary to what Alanis Morissette would have you believe, having it rain on your wedding day is not ironic. In fact, pretty much no scenario she proposes in her song is ironic. At best, it could be defined as bad luck. I would have hoped that had I been in her position, my band mates, producer, label, friends or family would have told me this, saving me from saying so, but I digress. Let me get back to the topic at hand.