This, though…. this I just couldn’t let go by without doing my part. “Twitter is the most used word of 2009″.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  I’ve already done a lot to help this happen. I feel I could do more though.  So, before I go mud my living room, I’m going to do what I can to ensure that no word sneaks up to try to unseat Twitter.

My ex-wife found my family on Facebook, so now I could follow her updates on Twitter if I wanted.  This great new social fad makes this possible.  Imagine my elation.

Although it’s the most popular social network at the moment, the developers of Twitter are too stupid to figure out how to make it profitable.  After years of operating in the red, the geniuses that created such a great technology think they’ve finally figured out how to make it profitable.  They’re going to try advertising.  Just another example of Twitter’s thinking outside the box.

Miley Cyrus, the pole dancing teen hero that likes being a part of nude photo shoots says you shouldn’t use Twitter any more.  In fact, she raps about it. This is unfortunate, since Ms. Cyrus is the perfect Twit.

I bought this shirt to help spread the word about Twitter.

and finally, in case all of the others are too ambiguous:

If you use Twitter, chances are great that you’re a mindless sheep.

Subject: VERY URGENT: PLEASE CONTACT ME
From: LAQUANYA EVET HILLARD <HILLALE@MAIL.BROWARD.EDU>

Reply-To: vivianwalter1954@yahoo.jp

I am Mrs.Vivian Walter,the wife of Mr.Edwards Walter,I am a citizen of the United states. My husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Saudi Arabia before he died in the year 2004. my husband deposited the sum of (12.5 Million Pounds) with a Bank.the management just wrote me as the beneficiary that our account has been DORMANT and if I can not ACTIVATE the ACCOUNT,the funds will be CONFISCATED.I just want you to Stand as beneficiary for the Funds.reach me: vivian_walter54@hotmail.com

Remain blessed.
Mrs. Vivian Walter.

And the ever-helpful response:

So your name is Vivian Walter, with an email address of Laquanya

Hillard, who is an American citizen using a Japanese mail account discussing a dead husband that resided in Saudi Arabia?

Holy shit, you’re really bad at this.

thanks,
json

EDIT: She’s on to us, and now using a hotmail account, since that adds a sense of legitimacy: vivian_walter54@hotmail.com

So says Olu Agbi, the Nigerian high commissioner, concerning the victims of 419 scams.

People who send their money are as guilty as those who are asking them to send the money.

Another of his quotable quotes:

It is not in the character of Nigerians to be engaged in this kind of scam.

This coming from the commissioner whose country had a scam named after it.

Now, if you’ll read any of my earlier thoughts on the matter, I’ve no problem with people that lose their money to these scams. You have to have a modicum of common sense to exist in this world. If you give your bank information to a woman you believe to be dying of cancer in Africa so she can give you money to continue your good works that you happen to know you’ve not done, then I feel it’s ok for you to lose your money.

The problem however is that my man Olu seems to be confused as to what’s illegal. It is illegal to perpetuate theft by deception(the Nigerian’s part). Giving all of your money to a Nigerian is not illegal. It’s just stupid.

Olu should draft an email to get his mission across to the people of Australia, in hopes of stopping this travesty. He could start it like this:

My name is Olu Agbi, a deposed Nigerian high commissioner whose family is being held hostage in Australia. Before our capture, I was able to deposit all of our savings(1,500,000 USD) in a bank account in South Africa.

I need the assistance of someone as honorable and trustworthy as yourself.

Lady Julia Peters wrote:

Subject: I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
From: Lady Julia Peters <ladyjuliapeters105@yahoo.com.co>
Reply-To: ladyjuliapeters1-uk@hotmail.com
Date: 07:59 PM

¡Tengo nueva dirección de correo!

Ahora puedes escribirme a:ladyjuliapeters105@yahoo.com.co

I am Julia Peters,I have cancer and something 2 share with you about my Fund contact me 4 details

- Lady Julia Peters

Hi there Julia,

I hope you die soon. I hope it’s painful.  Finally, I hope you rot in hell after your death.

thanks,
json

Before you give me any grief, keep in mind that a proper lady should never use texting abbereviations.  Especially if she’s dying of cancer.  God h8s ur abbrvs.

What is ironic? Being the CEO of an identity protection company and having your identity stolen. That’s ironic. Doncha’ think?

If you’ve seen the commercials, then you know that Richard Todd Davis is so sure of LifeLock’s identity protection services that he will share his social security number with anyone, going so far as to publish it on network television.

Man, his company must have an absolutely foolproof method of protecting their customers. Well, aside from the 20 drivers’ licenses issued under his information. Oh, and the guy that changed his birthdate on public record.

Other than that, I’m sure it’s bullet proof.

There’s been so many lawsuits filed agains the company that they are proposing a class action suit against the corporation. The service doesn’t protect you in the way they advertise, the million smacker guarantee actually doesn’t exist and their service amounts to nothing more than the fraud alert that you can place on your credit report yourself at no cost.

So Richard Todd Davis not only lost his identity 21 times (that we are aware of), he is now going to watch his company (that was cooked up by a convict sitting in a prison cell) go down the tubes.

Alanis, if you’re reading this, it’s not ironic. Just karmic justice.