E-Dribble

CNN is afraid that the US will no longer be considered a technological powerhouse.  They fear this because the US filed less patents this year than in any of the previous 13 years. If you’re not so slow that you count on the likes of CNN to influence ANY aspect of your life, you should find it cute that the mature grown-ups that make the news(remember now, they’re not reporting it, they’re making this shit up) consider our innovation as a country to be dependent upon how many patents we file.

Honestly, who isn’t smart enough to realize that we as a country stopped being a technological innovator a very long time ago?  We’re globally ridiculed for the sheer volume of bullshit patents we generate and for the fact that we use almost all of them to siphon money from the real innovators that inadvertently tread upon one of the millions of overlapping patents that we have filed simply for this reason.  We’re a country of opportunistic trolls.

Or maybe I’m just being to tough on our genius innovators.

In an effort to win back some of the readers that are ditching formal news sites, The New York Times is going to implement Addictionary, a system that creates fake words and creates definitions for them, through user input.

While others view it as something new for the news sites, I see it as just an extension.  They’ve been printing fake news for ages.  Why not throw a couple made up words in there as well?

What do you do when you create a national scare for ratings and it becomes incresingly obviious that you pulled everything out of your ass?

Well, first you ease into the letdown, making sure that you phrase it in such a way that it’s ambiguously insinuated that the risk is still lurking around the corner.  Then you begin ridiculing the hordes of people that fell for your bullshit.

You see, the death toll for the swine flu currently stands at 19. The average number of deaths annually from standard influenza?  36, o00.  While you can creatively adjust numbers to make the word “epidemic” fit, it seems that the disparity between these two figures are too great for even the US media to stretch.

Now, I’m not blaming the news agencies.  They’re no better than spammers.  They’re in it to make money and everyone knows that fear sells.  The mental defects that watched the news and immediately donned paper masks while wrapping themselves in cheesecloth deserved every minute of anguish that they endured.

I’m just sorry that I didn’t have the forsight to buy stock in dust masks.