From: Mr Adada Dilshad <crusadersails@btconnect.com>
Reply-To: wahidadada300@yahoo.co.jp

Subject: Charity Funds

Hello Friend,

I am Mr. Adada an Oil merchant in Iraq; i have been diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts, just recently my doctor inform me i have a few weeks to live due to the esophageal cancer. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone (not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fifteen million dollars $15, 000, 000,00 that I have with a Financial institution abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to
charity organizations. It may interest you to know that i once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization; they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

I have set aside 10% for you and for your time.

God be with you.

Mr. Adada

I’m shocked that you think my time is worth so little.

Dear Mr. Dilweed,

First allow me to say how sorry I am that you’re going to die soon. Secondly, allow me to say I hope you make all efforts to stay alive until we’ve worked out the problems with your financial offering. There are some fantastic advancements that have been made in medicine. As long as you promise to be careful and not squander my money on it, I would hope that you impress upon the doctors how important it is that you remain with us until this transaction is finished.

Now, I would like to discuss the amounts of compensatory money that you are proposing. It seems to me that for all the shitty things you’ve done in this life, the amount of money you’re going to use to ease your conscience is a little on the light side. I mean 15 million? Bill Gates gives that away every time he finds a kid on the street using a Macintosh. Don’t think for a minute that you’re less evil than Bill Gates. Bill has been spending decades easing his conscience and he’s not even been told he’s going to die soon. That makes Bill a good guy. You spending 15 million after being such a complete fucktard and only after being told you’re about to take an eternal dirt nap makes you a cheap bastard.

Come back to me when the numbers are a little bigger, Mr. Dilweed and then we’ll talk shop.

thanks,
json

From: David Benton <bentondav@web2mail.com>
Reply-To: bentonda@gmx.com

Subj: Attention

This is For your Attention:

We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary
to the total sum of Four million Two hundred and Fifty Seven Thousand
Seventeen Pence (British Pounds Sterling) in the intent of the deceased
(names now withheld since this is our second letter to you). We
contacted you because you bear the surname identity and therefore we
can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance since there was
no written will. Our legal services aim to provide our private clients
with a complete service. We are happy to prepare wills, set-up and
administer Trusts, carry out the administration of estates and
prepare and administer Powers of Attorney.
All the papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your
acceptance of this deal, we request that you kindly forward to this
email: bentonda@gmx.com
Your letter of acceptance your current telephone and fax numbers
and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at
our High court probate division for the release of this sum of
money to you.

Yours Sincerely,
David Benton
bentonda@gmx.com

Withheld? Two can play that game, Mr. Benton.

Hi there David and thanks so much for notifying me of this again! I replied to you the last time you contacted me, but I guess you were busy helping other beneficiaries get their money. Now that you’re ready to work with me again, I want to get this processed as quickly as possible as the money couldn’t come at a better time. You see, I’ve begun breeding Nigerians in a makeshift farm in my backyard. I plan on putting them to work writing scam emails as soon as they gain confident control of their fingers. I’m going to need a lot of money to make this work though, so let’s get started. Here’s my info that you asked for.

Name: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Date of Birth: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Social Security Number: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Credit Card account with most money available: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Bank account(with routing number): (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Penis Length: 5 inches
Mailing Address: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)
Phone Number: (now withheld since this is my second letter to you)

I can’t wait to get this wrapped up, David. I’m very much looking forward to that check. To expedite this, please send all future correspondence to (now withheld since this is my second letter to you) as it’s the email account that I check the most often.

thanks,
json

From: SERGENT CHUCK WHITE FITTE <sgt._chuck_whitee@o2.pl>
Reply-To: sgt._chuck_white@o2.pl

Subj: CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE

Hello,

My name is Chuck White Fitte. An American soldier serving in the Military of the 1st Armored Division in Hilla, 100km (60 miles) south of the capital, Baghdad Iraq. As you know, we are being attacked daily by insurgents and car bombings. I stumbled into a storage vault belonging to Uday Hussein.Saddam Hussein’s oldest son and discovered funds belonging to his family. The total amount is US$28.450 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills tightly tied in $1000.00 bundles. I want to secretly move this money to a reputable/sincere person for investment purposes. This is the reason for contacting you.

I am ready to compensate you with good percentage of the funds. The only thing i require from you is just for you to assist in moving the funds out of Iraq because Iraq is a war zone. I plan on using diplomatic means to shipping the money out as military cargo, using diplomatic immunity to London with the aid of my school friend who base in the U.K and has a chamber in central london. If you are interested I will send you his full details. My job is to find a good and respectable partner with great repute that i can trust that will assist. Can i trust you? When you receive this letter,kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest including your most confidential telephone numbers which i will send to him for futher instructions.
This is 100% risk free.
All responses to:-
sgt._chuck_white@o2.pl

Respectfully,
Sgt.Chuck White Fitte.

You would think that you be required to be able to at least spell your rank.

You mis-spelled sergeant, you fucking retard.

I could go on, but you know what sergent? This scam has grown so old, it’s not even fun to mock you.

Do me a favor, and check out these links:

http://www.infosprite.com/2010/01/25/i-liked-him-better-when-he-was-a-hot-chick/
http://www.infosprite.com/2009/10/22/they-sell-websters-at-the-bx/

After reading these, do me another favor. Stop being a complete incapable douche bag and come up with something new. The whole world has grown tired of your copying and pasting.

thanks,
json

From: Maj. Graig Mathews<graig.mathews@btinternet.com>
Reply-To: Maj. Graig Mathews<maj.graig.mathews@googlemail.com>
Subj: From Maj. Graig Mathews

Good day and compliments of the season, I know this letter will definitely come to you as a huge surprise, but I implore you to take the time to go through it carefully as the decision you make will go off a long way to determine my future and continued existence.

I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of Eighteen Million US Dollars ($18Million) to the States or any safe country, as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.
I am Maj. General Graig Mathews, a US Marine; Major General serving in the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marine Regiment that Patrols the Anbar province, Iraq. I am desperately in need of assistance and I have summoned up courage to contact you.

This is no stolen money and there are no dangers involved.

SOURCE OF MONEY:
Some money in various currencies was discovered and concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunition at a location near one of Saddam Hussein’s old Presidential Palaces during a rescue operation and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us.

Click this link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

This might appear as an illegal thing to do but I tell you what?

No compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hellhole.
The above figure was given to me as my share and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity)

I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package as he believes that it belongs to an American who died in an air raid, who before giving up trusted me to hand over the package to his close relative. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq for you to pick up. I do not know for how long I will remain here, as I have been lucky to survive 2 suicide bomb attacks by Pure Divine intervention.

This and other reasons put into consideration have prompted me to reach out for help. If it might be of interest to you then Endeavor to contact me and we would work out the necessary formalities but I pray that you are discreet about this mutually benefiting relationship. For the private nature of this reply me on this maj.graig.mathews@googlemail.com

Respectfully,
Maj. General Graig Mathews:
United States Marine Corps. IRAQ

Maj. General Mathews is so stupid that even Marines are thinking “Damn, he’s stupid.”….  right before they miss their mouth and accidentally stab themselves in the eye with their MRE spork. Nonetheless, I felt obligated to help him out.

Well, hello there sir!   You’re absolutely right, it’s quite a shock to receive an unsolicited email concerning millions of dollars from someone that can’t even tell me my name.  I want your money… I mean, I want to help you keep your money,  but I don’t know if you’re really the person that should be dealing with sums of money this large.  I mean, you’re either mistaken in your rank(your email address has you as a Major(O-4) or you are indeed a Major General(O-8), the third highest pay grade in all of my beloved Marine Corps, yet you’re attached to a Battalion, a post that would be reserved for a Major(O-4) or even lower. If you are indeed a Major General, then you’re either related to the Commandant of the Marine Corps or you’re blowing him, because anyone that’s an O-8 and working at the battalion level would have been shitcanned by now because he’s incompetent or retarded…. or both.  Well, that or he’s in the Navy.

Initially, I thought it would be very tough to handle a sum of cash this large, but as I pondered your level of competence, I began wondering if I was over-thinking the situation.  Maybe we’re not dealing with that large of a sum. I have to keep in mind that you’re either not smart enough to know what rank you are, or you’re a MajGen that can’t be trusted to be in charge of anything more important than sandbags.  Someone as stupid as you might have simply lost count amidst all the zeros.  Could you please have your British contact count the number of circles behind the one and eight and get back to me?  Be sure to tell him that if there’s a dot, to quit counting.

I’ll await your response.   If we’re truly dealing with eighteen million dollars, I’m going to suggest that we have your British contact kill then gut you, stuff you full of the loot and then ship your corpse to me for a “proper burial”. If we’re dealing with 180 dollars, then I’ll just have you write me a check and drop it in the mail. I eagerly await your response.

Ooh Rah!
json
Cpl. USMC(Retired)

From: febian george <febiangeorge8@sify.com>
Date: Dec 16
Reply-to: febiangeorge202@sify.com
Subject: HELLO

I have US$33m to invest and if you are interested contact me for further details I am looking forward to hearing from you. via e_mail, febiangeorge202@sify.com

yours sincerely,
DR,Febian George
For the Family

I feel I owe Febian something in exchange for all the time he’s going to save me in the future:

Hi there Febian,

I must say that I’ve come up blank on something you can invest in, so I must sadly decline your completely anonymous and random solicitation attempting to give me your hard earned money to invest in shit you know nothing about. However, your email got me thinking.  I’ve spent my whole life actually qualifying people before I attempt to invite them to do something that can put my welfare at risk.  After reading your email however, I’ve come to realize that I can dispose of all the extra shit and just ask practically anyone anything I’d like.  If you don’t mind, I’m going to start with you, since you, better than anyone else I know understand what took an epiphany for me to realize.  Here goes:

Hi there Febian,

I recently agreed to kill two men and I have dispatched the job at hand without issue.  I now find myself, however, needing some assistance in disposing of the bodies.  I’m writing to ask your assistance, either by physically assisting me in getting rid of them or by offering me some pointers in disposing of them myself.  The bodies are currently residing in the trunk of my car.  If needed, I can supply the address that I reside at to help you if you decide to actually assist me in getting rid of them.  I know I can completely trust you not to share this information with anyone that might disapprove of these murders.

yours sincerely,
Hitman, json
For the Mafia

From: Latisha Gabriel <-dawoodjan@jennysdesktop.eau.wi.charter.com>
To: nurepont@gmail.com
Date: Nov 25, 2009 9:54 AM
Subject: I will wait

Hello! My name is Lyudmila. and i am from Russia. I found your email and i want to write you.
Iam searching my real love and looking for a dating in Internet.

Probably you are surprised to receive this letter but if you are interesting then you can answer me only to my personal e-mail: lyudmillaleb@yahoo.com

I will wait
Lyudmila.

Perfect timing!

Hi there Lyudmila!

It just so happens that one of my most popular bitches died recently due to an unfortunate fight that broke out during a gang bang. I have an opening for you, providing you’re open to water sports, choking and being the recipient of a donkey punch or two.

Please let me know if you’re interested and I’ll sort all of transportation details.

Love,
json

First, a screenshot:

Now, for the meat and potatoes of his attempt:

Subject: FROM WESTERN UNION POST OFFICE
From: Steve Lomas <stevelomas20@yahoo.com>

Reply-To: stevelomas20@yahoo.com

You’re invited to: FROM WESTERN UNION POST OFFICE

By your host: Steve Lomas

Date: Friday 23 October 2009

Time: 16:00 – 17:00 (GMT +00:00)

Street: Dear Beneficiary,Your Payment has been sent to you,I write to inform you that we have already sent you USD $5000.00 through Western union as we have been given the mandate to transferyourfullcompensationpaymenttotalsumofUSD80,000.00via western union bythisgovernemnt.Iwascallingyourtelephone number to give you the information through phone butyoudid notpickupmycallsthroughoutthatyesterdayeventhismorning.Now, I decided to email you the MTCN and sender name so that youwillpickupthisUSD5000.00toenableussendanotherUSD5000.00todayasyouknowwewillbesendingyouonlyUSD5000.00perday.Please pick up this information and run to westernuniontopickup the USD5000.00 and call me back to sendyouanotherpaymentto day.CONTACT PERSON: James MarkEmail: (western_union@ir.ae) Direct phone line is+229-9395 7844, call or email me once you picked up this USD5000.00 today.Here isthewesternunion information to pickuptheUSD5000.00;MTCN:3806485427Sender’s Name:JamesSherburneextQuestion:HONESTAnswer:TRUSTAmount:USD 5000.00 I am waiting for your call once you pick up this USD5000.00,PleaseemailmeyourdirecttelephonenumberbecauseIneedtobecallingyouoncewesendanypaymentfortheinformations.ThanksSteveLomas.

Will you attend? RSVP to this invitation

Can you RSVP a swift kick in the ass?

Hi there,

I just wanted to congratulate you.  This email represents the most asinine, insipid and ridiculous attempt at a 419 scam I have ever received(and I have received a lot).

You must be the dumbest son of a bitch on the face of the earth if you thought that this effort might result in making some money.  Seriously.  Take a look at your “Western Union notice” below.  Are you such a retard that you think that might look like something Western Union would send out?

Seriously consider whether you offer anything of substance and value to absolutely anyone on this earth.  Anyone at all.  If, as I suspect, you find that you do nothing more than take up space and burn up oxygen, I politely invite you to walk in front of a moving train.

If you can’t find a train, then please consider holding your breath until you die*.

Thanks very  much and look forward to hearing back from you,
json

*Note that once unconscious, you will need assistance in the form of someone holding your nose and mouth closed.  I would like to offer my services, but will need funds to purchase airfare.  You can Western Union me the money.

Subject: Dear Child,
From: rose smith <asismith43@msn.com>

Reply-To: asifesmith.2020@live.com

Dear Child,

May God lead you my child.

My name is Mother Rose Smith,a widow to late William Smith, a business merchant here in London,who die after a protracted illness in may 2nd, 2006 ,I am presently undergoing Treatments in Southampton ,England. I have been diagnosed with hydatidiform mole cancer and esophageal cancer that was discovered very late due to lack of caring for my health.That was traced to be the source of my barrenness according to the experts. I have only about a few months to live according to this medical experts.

I am looking for someone reliable and trusted that can use my fund worth 7.5$ Million pounds,(Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand ) with CITI BANK UK for the less privileges and orphanage homes. Since i can’t survive this illness. Please contact me through this email address immediately with your

Name,

Address

phone number

and the Name of your Church:

Warm Greetings from,

Mother Rose Smith

I did the best I could with what was provided.

My dearest and most cherished dying lady with a shitload of cash,

It is so great to hear of your mortal illnesses, as I’m in great need of cash right now.  You can probably imagine what I could do with the money about as well as I can believe a single fucking thing you write.

You must be using one of those new fangled wireless air cards.  To help you get better performance out of it, you should run the configuration on it again.  If you’re in Southampton, England undergoing treatments, I’m sure you can find a closer wireless point than Nigeria, which is the IP your email was drafted from.

And my church?  Any one that says you’ll be spending eternity in hell is fine with me.  I’m fairly open-minded.

thanks,
json

Here’s the solicitation:

Subject: From Miss Linda Donald
Date: Tue, 12 May 2009
From: Mrs Linda Donald <mrslidadonalds7@yahoo.jp>
Reply-To: linda_donalds2009@yahoo.com

DONATION
Dearest ,

Greetings i’m Mrs Linda Donald, from Kuwait. I am married to Mr. Collins Donald who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2002.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four weeks.Before his death we were both born again Christian.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $4.9million dollars in a bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire west Africa. Presently, this money is still in bank. Recently, my doctor informed me that i would not stay alive for the next eight months due to cancer problem.

The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition i decided to donate this fund to a charity organization that will utilize this money the way i am going to instruct herein.

I took this decision because i don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are good and i don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by them.

I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why i am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence i know where i am going.

I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible. As soon as i receive your reply i shall give you the contact of the bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire west Africa.

I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund from the Ministry of Justice here in Cote d’Ivoire .
Please assure me that you will act accordingly as i stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply soon.Reply me through my private email: linda_donald2009@yahoo.com
Remain blessed .
Yours sister,
Mrs Linda Donald.

And my attempt to assuage her fears that I might not be a person to give the money to:

Subject: RE: From Miss Linda Donald
Date: Tue, 12 May, 2009
From: Json <iamtheonetruegod@infosprite.com>

Dearest Mrs. Donald,

First, allow me to say how sorry I am for your dead husband, cancer and stroke.  It sounds almost as if dying will be a good thing for you, with all the bad things happening to you.  I for one, hope it comes quickly for you.

I am a very Christian person and believe that my God sent you to me for a reason.  Although sacrifices and wars in the name of Jesus are now frowned upon in many parts of the civilized world, with God and a lot of money, all things are possible.  I believe that I could do a lot of good things with the money you will give me.  Certain parts of me grow excited at the prospect.

Unfortunately, due to a false accusation of me running Nigerian scams from my home, I no longer am allowed to have a phone at my house, so it is good that we can conduct this via email.  I hope I can do the same with the bank contact as a bracelet  around my ankle makes sure that I don’t leave my house to find a phone elsewhere.

Please let me know what I need to do next to get this money and begin God’s work.

May the baby Jesus cradle you in his arms when you begin writhing in pain as you die,
Jason

I will of course keep you posted if I happen to hear back from my buddy.

Subject: CIA INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT USA
From: Cia Usa <cia123@ymail.com>
Date: 5/6/2009 1:44 PM
To: cia123@ymail.com
ATTN

Your 25million usd with the CBN IS SECURED  due to
various parties trying to interappect  on scam duties.We
have been investigating this matter to enable us release
access to that account,send all information we need to
know immidetaly or we place you under arrest.

NOTICE
Mr Smith J Rollon
CIA INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT USA
EMAIL cia123456@rocketmail.com

As always, I tried to help him out:

Woah, there, Inspector Gadget. It seems that you’ve misunderstood the purpose of the 419 scam.  Let’s talk about this email you sent for a minute.  We will try to clarify some very important aspects of the scam in hopes that you will pull your non-English speaking head out of your ass and draft another email that has any chance at all of making you a better thief.

I will grade on a 1-10 scale, with 1 being equal to a lobotomized toddler and 10 representing a mastermind.

From and Reply-To address: Now, this is an important but often overlooked aspect of the email.  Let’s see what you used:
————————-
From: “Cia Usa” <cia123@ymail.com>
Reply: <cia123456@rocketmail.com>
————————-
Your score: 1

Comments: Wow, you really fucked this up. You are purporting to represent the US CIA, the penultimate spook agency in the whole of the world(little known fact, but the country of Nauru actually has a more poorly developed intelligence agency) , and you’ve managed to use not one, but two unsecured free web based mail accounts.  To add to your stupidity, you used a sequential string behind “cia” to ensure that you didn’t attempt to register an account that was already in use.

Lessons to be learned: Think big.  You’re going for big money.  Drop $8 on a domain.  If you’re going with a free mail account, try <inspector.gadget-cia@imtoocheaptobuyafuckingdomain.com instead of something as shortsighted as a string of numbers.  Am I supposed to believe that cia123455@rocketmail.com was taken?

Body:
————————-

ATTN

Your 25million usd with the CBN IS SECURED  due to various parties trying to interappect  on scam duties.We have been investigating this matter to enable us release access to that account,send all information we need to know immidetaly or we place you under arrest.

NOTICE
————————-

Your score: -1

Comments: This is what we Americans call the “meat and potatoes” of the email.We call it that because the meat and potatoes are usually the main portion of a meal.  I feel the need to explain this to you because it is very clear that you don’t speak english.  We also have to assume you live in a region undeveloped enough not to have heard of  spellcheck.  Some words in your email, like “immidetaly”, are misspellings that would have been caught by any spell check program in the world. Other words, like “interappect”, are so far removed from any actual word, even a government agent with a college degree would realize that it’s not a word.  I have to assume that you had a seizure and hit the keyboard with your face.  That’s how far from a word “interappect” is.

I could continue on with sentence structure, but let’s just leave it at this: You need to hire someone to draft your emails.  Pay them in chickens or something.

Lessons to be learned: Even government agents speak better English than you.

Your total score: 0

What can I say?  You took something as beautiful as the 419 scam and then you stomped it flat into the ground.  You managed to fuck up every aspect of the scam.  What in the hell were you going to do when it came time to actually speak to the victim?  Were you going to try to use “interappect” in a sentence? If you speak English as poorly as you write it, you couldn’t get a prospective victim to believe you were an illegal immigrant, much less an American. To phrase it in a way that you might understand better, three spam/scam filters didn’t think your email was a scam.  That might seem like a good thing at first glance, but it wasn’t because of your clever crafting.  It was because your writing structure is completely incoherent.

It almost would have been worth it to play along with this just to hear you attempt to emulate a CIA agent on the phone.  That would have been fucking funny.

Good luck on your future endeavors and I look forward to your next email.

thanks,
json