E-Dribble

A couple of days ago, a comment was posted on one of the spam posts stating that they almost fell for it and thanking me for my service.

It was at that point I realized that I had unwittingly provided a service.  There is a market for smartass.  More importantly though I wondered – How secure is your future if the only thing standing between you and financial ruin is some pompous dipshit that amuses himself by replying to Nigerian scam artists?  Oh, and he’s located at the far corner of the intardnet.  The corner that doesn ‘t even get swept.

Seriously.  I wrote these and posted them completely to amuse myself.  As the comments and emails began building, I came to realize that I have single-handedly kept a roof over these peoples’ heads.

And do they pay me for my invaluable service?  No.  I’ve never even received one of those cute talking cards.  The way I figure it, they would have lost everything, had it not been for me.  For this incredible feat, I feel that I deserve at least half of what they own.

It’s 50% more than the Nigerian would have left them.

Subject: Awarded Cheque Of…
From: CHEVRON OIL/PETROLEM 2008 <info@chervronwinners.com>

Reply-To: chervrondeliverydepartment12@hotmail.com

CHEVRON OIL/PETROLEM 2008
Head Office
8,Macarthy Street,
P.M.B Box 166
Abuja, Nigeria.
Tel:+234-80-740-13-548

This is to inform you that you have won a prize money of One Million,United States Dollars, ($1,000,000.00) for this year 2008 Lottery promotion which is organized by CHEVRON OIL/PETROLUEM 2008, your email was selected as our beneficiary and was selected from ourofice electronically.

(CONTACT FINANCE DEPARTMENT)
Name:Dr.Micheal Williams
Tel:+2348-0740-13548
Fax:+2348-0740-13548
E-mail:chervrondeliverydepartment12@hotmail.com

CONTACT THEM WITH THESE DETAILS
NAME:
ADDRESS:
COUNTRY:
PHONE:
FAX:

These are your identification numbers:

Batch number………………..CT 091026XN
Reff number………………….CT 095447XN
Winning number……………CT 097886XN
Thank you and Accept my hearty congratulations once again
Yours faithfully,
Dr.Micheal Williams

This man has earned a response.

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Subject: WE OFFER FINANCIAL SERVICES!!!
From: LOAN FIRM SERVICES <heryanto@len.co.id>

Reply-To: john_paulson@yahoo.cn

LOAN FIRM SERVICES

We are a fully registered and certified loan agency that offers loan And other kind of financial services, at a very low interest rate, within A maximum of 3 working days, to all genuinely interested individuals And co-operate financier for real estate and any kinds of business Financing across the globe.

We offer Loans to individuals, Firms and co-operate bodies at 3% interest rate per annum, Loan terms determinant. The Minimum/Smallest amount you can borrow is $5,000.00 US Dollars to Maximum of $10.Million.

Are you looking for funds to finance that project of yours, or you are Financially broke, Why not Come and get a very genuine loan, from a very Genuine and reliable source, and put a final stop to all your financial Needs. If interested in our financial services, contact our loan service, At:
E-mail:john_paulson@yahoo.cn
Contact Name: Mr. John Paulson
Tel: +2347038884969
Tel: 0117038884969

Hi there John, and thanks of thinking of me.

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It seems that she would be too tired to write, what with all the globe hopping:

Subject: VERY URGENT: PLEASE CONTACT ME
From: LAQUANYA EVET HILLARD <HILLALE@MAIL.BROWARD.EDU>

Reply-To: vivianwalter1954@yahoo.jp

I am Mrs.Vivian Walter,the wife of Mr.Edwards Walter,I am a citizen of the United states. My husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Saudi Arabia before he died in the year 2004. my husband deposited the sum of (12.5 Million Pounds) with a Bank.the management just wrote me as the beneficiary that our account has been DORMANT and if I can not ACTIVATE the ACCOUNT,the funds will be CONFISCATED.I just want you to Stand as beneficiary for the Funds.reach me: vivian_walter54@hotmail.com

Remain blessed.
Mrs. Vivian Walter.

And the ever-helpful response:

So your name is Vivian Walter, with an email address of Laquanya

Hillard, who is an American citizen using a Japanese mail account discussing a dead husband that resided in Saudi Arabia?

Holy shit, you’re really bad at this.

thanks,
json

EDIT: She’s on to us, and now using a hotmail account, since that adds a sense of legitimacy: vivian_walter54@hotmail.com

If you jail victims of theft, then eventually, you will run out of potential victims.

So says Olu Agbi, the Nigerian high commissioner, concerning the victims of 419 scams.

People who send their money are as guilty as those who are asking them to send the money.

Another of his quotable quotes:

It is not in the character of Nigerians to be engaged in this kind of scam.

This coming from the commissioner whose country had a scam named after it.

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Subject: JOB OFFER
From: AMAX OIL & GAS INC <info@Amax.com>

Reply-To: amamaxoil02@gmail.com

AMAX OIL & GAS INC wrote:

FROM THE DESK OF THE DIRECTOR
AMAX OIL & GAS INC
Level 36, Tower 2
PETRONAS Twin Towers
Kuala Lumpur City Centre
50088 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
MALAYSIA
Tel: +60 14645 8330

ATTN: APPLICANT

INTERNATIONAL EXPATRIATE OFFICIAL JOB ONLINE INTERVIEW

Your name has been shortlisted/Choosen among the Lucky expatriates who
submitted the CV to the MALAYSIA ONLINE JOB ,before we will issue you

the
Success Letter and the Contract Document You have to fill the following
informations and send it back to us
Via-Email: amamaxoil02@gmail.com  

Full Names

City:

State:

Country:

Zipcode:

Sex:

Phone:

AGE:

MARITAL STATUS:

Get back to me as soon as possible.

Bar.Abdul Mohammed,
Head of Recruitment Service.
AMAX OIL & GAS INC(Sarawak

FROM THE DESK OF YOUR RECIPIENT

You are a fucking retard.

thanks,

json

My latest 419 afficianado writes:

Subject: Attention!!!
From: Mr.Peter T S Wong <info@tws.com.hk>
Reply-To: mr_peter_wongts01@hotmail.com

Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr.Peter T S Wong director of operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd in Hong Kong.I have an obscured business suggestion for you. Before the U.S and Iraqi war one of our client Colonel Sadiq Uday who was with the Iraqi forces and also businessman made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of One hundred and twenty five million, seven hundred and fifty thousand U.S dollars only in my branch.

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Our latest contestant:

Subject: FDV.Grant Award Donations!!!
From: “Fondazion Di Vittorio, ITALY” <mark02@zajoulnet.com>
Reply-To: Sir Mario Domenico <fdvoffice77@aim.com>

Fondazion Di Vittorio, ITALY
http://www.fondazionedivittorio.it
GRANT PIN NO.: (N-222-6747,E-900-56)

We bring to your notice the
decision by the Board of Trustees of Fondazione di
Vittorio to choose you as one of the final
recipients of a cash grant for your own personal,
educational,and business development.

To celebrate the new year and in coincidence
with our 31st anniversary,we are giving out
a donation of 500,000.00 Euro(Five Hundred Thousand Euro).
Each to 40 lucky recipients who there e-mail have been
selected from over 125,000 websites all over the globe,
as charity donations/aid from the Fondazione
di Vittorio, ECOWAS, EU and the UNO
in accordance with enabling acts of Parliament.

To File for your grant award you are expected
to send us the following detail to
facilitate the release of your grant prize.”(1)Full-Name,
(2)Age,(3)Sex,(4)Full Mailing Address and (5)Phone Number”.

Regards.
Sir Mario Domenico
Fondazione Representative
Contact E-mail:fdvoffice77@aim.com
Tele:+00393291419908

And his deserved response:

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This is a perfect example of why I rarely reward 419 scammers with a response that they can print out, frame and share with their friends at the internet cafe:

Subject: ATM CARD PAYMENT(822).
From: SENATOR DAVID MARK <info@atm.com>
Reply-To: linda.hill302@yahoo.com.hk

Good Day,
ATM CARD worth $6.8 Million Dollars has been accredited in your favor,
Please Contact Mrs. Linda Hill (linda.hill302@yahoo.com.hk) With the following,
Full Name: Delivery Address: Age: Occupation: Phone Number:
Regards,Mr David Mark SENATE PRESIDENT.

What in the hell am I supposed to do with this, Mr. Linda Mark? There is absolutely no aspect of this email that is even remotely believable. Instead of responding to your email(which you don’t deserve), I will give you three tips to help you improve your tactics to actually make money at this, since at this time, you’re doing it wrong and only people too stupid to make any money will bother to respond to you.

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I don’t respond to them much anymore because they’re just regurgitations of scams I received for years, but this guy spent so much time on this one that I couldn’t help myself. In fact, I could say that I felt led to respond.

The email in question:

Subject: Dear Beloved
From: shelia johnson <gramey@charter.net>
Reply-To: beloved_shelia08@live.com

Dear Beloved in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ,having known the
truth,I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right
in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for
witness of God & his mercies and glory upon my life.
I am Mrs.Sheila Johnson the wife of Mr Harold Johnson,my husband worked
with the Chevron/Texaco in Kenya for twenty
years before he died in the year2001.We were married for ten years
without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that
lasted for only four days.

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