Mark Zuckerberg, the useless piece of shit that spawned this blight upon the internet really, really wants every person in the world to have a Facebook account.  His greed seems to be second only to his incompetence.  You see, after Facebook made the change to make your data less private, people began browsing Mark’s account and were generally amazed and impressed that Mark was leading by example.  You see, Mark wanted let you know that you didn’t need any private data by showing that he didn’t need any private data.

Well, it actually seems that Mark simply wasn’t smart enough to figure out his own security settings.  A day after the change, he finally figured out how to lock the content down so his detractors could no longer poke fun as his pictures.  So, where some of the less competent Facebook users might have once thought that Mark believed in the changes being pushed by his company, now they not only realize that he doesn’t, but he also isn’t smart enough to tailor the system he designed to his liking.

Many are having a fantastic time with this, but I think that Mark can salvage it.  What would be a better sequel to the upcoming Facebook movie than “Facebook 2: Oops, I didn’t mean to share that shit.”?

Twitter.  This is definitely one of those technologies.  Let’s not talk about a company that can’t even manage to turn a buck off of the most malleable and gullible of society.  No, let’s talk talk about a company that can successfully exploit those people.  Let’s talk about the iPhone.

See, I think the iPhone is a fantastic piece of technology.  When you remove the fact that it’s developers manage to remain egotists in spite of the fact that they can’t manage to foresee the most basic of needs from their users and integrate something every competing product already has. No, if it wasn’t a device developed by a company that makes their money by taking your consumer rights and squashing them flat, I’d own one.

But it is, so I don’t.  I do however watch the news for the latest apps, which leads me to my point.  See, a large majority of the people that own an iPhone will never come close to maximizing it’s usefulness.  No, they’re going to use the phone for some of the most asinine tasks imaginable.  Here’s some fantastic examples of what “Joe iPhone” might be doing with their incredible marvel of technology.

1) Order a pizza.

2) Throw your $600 phone as high into the air as you can.

3) Record and share your bowel movements.

4) Grow hair back.

5) Propose to your fiance.

I am telling the truth when I say that I’ve found hundreds more.  Too many to sort, really so I can’t even give you a sorted list.  I just grabbed 5 and ran with them.

I know what you’re thinking and your’e right.  There’s some fantastic apps out there.  It doesn’t change the fact that the number of useless apps far outweigh the useful and people are stupid enough to buy them.

If I look deep inside, I may just be angry that there’s not a bowel movement app for the Blackberry.

That is all.

Seriously, the sheep are supposed to emulate the top of the totem pole.  What in the hell are we supposed to do when the top of the totem pole is busy emulating us?

The Whitehouse blog recently posted an article letting you know how “connected” they have become.  In it, they give you the links to their Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Flickr, Vimeo, Youtube and iTunes channels. You can now get the most critical information concerning our national welfare and security right alongside these guys.

I am a technological whore.  I’ll try about anything of perceivable value that comes down the pipeline at least once.  What separates me from the majority is the fact that I’m almost always a late adopter, due to the fact that I am almost completely isolated from popular media.  It’s not that I don’t want to try it at the same time as everyone, it’s just that I have no clue it exists when it’s in the spotlight. This actually works to my advantage.  By the time I’m made aware of the new technology,  if it’s been embraced by our nation’s lowest common denominator, I don’t have anything to drop.  I just move on to the next shiny object on the horizon.  It’s a huge time saver. By the time I knew that Myspace and Facebook existed, it had already become the 21st century adaptation of Geocities and Angelfire, rife with people that had no stylistic taste and nothing to say but an incredible desire for everyone to know it.  Imagine how much time I saved deleting all of my content.

Now, consider our leaders.  It’s not that they created all these pages.  That’s just a symptom of something larger.  The people that these positions appeal to are egomaniacs.  People that feel America needs them.  These people aren’t supposed to go out and sign up to every possible web trend they can find to show how “connected” they are.  I’ve long ago quit wondering why the rest of the world laughs at us, but my God, do we have to make ourselves such easy targets?

What’s next? I predict personal text messages from POTUS:

Hav 2 hav lunch with American car makers agan,th wny bitches.I hop Bidn remembers 2 chu with his mouth closed.Its distractng.