E-Dribble

Found in the spam folder:

Infosprite…

[...] something about infosprite[...]…

Oh yeah?

Spamming piece of shit…

[...] something concerning a funnel, a bottle of sulphuric acid and the spamming piece of shit’s colon[...]…

Mark left this in my spam folder:

Mark Dulisse: I am the biggest internet marketing god alive http://holycrapIdeletedyourURL.com

You’re wrong Mark, you’re just a spamming piece of shit. I can only hope you come to pay me a visit when checking your spam penetration.  I would love to discuss with you how you might have come to such a mistaken conclusion concerning what makes you so special.

I was browsing through my Akismet spam for something interesting(which very rarely happens) and actually found something that made me smile.  It was spam from a search engine optimization (SEO) company.

Here’s the spam, complete with links(don’t say I never did anything for you, Flux!)

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Either Chinese gold farmers need to purchase a fucking dictionary, or Blizzard has been overrun by illiterate and foreign twelve year olds:

I received this via a contact form on one of my sites:

Here’s a submission for you:

User: Justin Madrid

Name: Justin Madrid

Email: justinmadrid72@gmail.com

Comment:

Promotion of your website

We strongly believe that we have an excellent opportunity to increase the number
of visitors to your website through our white-hat SEO services. Please simply reply
to this message and we will be delighted to send you further information.

Although his offer is almost too good to be refused, I believe I may have outdone him.

Hi Justin,

I strongly believe you are a spamming piece of shit.  Please simply reply to this message with your precise location(either proper address or GPS coordinates) and I would be delighted to come find you, pull your bottom lip completely over your head and cockpunch you until both of your testicles are the size of weather balloons.

thanks,
json

I’ve been practicing on cantaloupes.

I’m speaking, of course, about forms.  I’ve written in the past about my attempts to build a bot proof and spam resistant form.  I use the two terms independently because they are two very different things.  Even if you block bots, you’ve not necessarily stopped the humans that post to test the forms as well as posting actual spam. If you’ve built the form correctly, it’s actually impossible to completely block spam.  A human posting spam is indistinguishable from a human using your form for legitimate purposes.  Well, aside from the fact that they’re stupid.  And evil.

I digress.  Let’s get to the form bits.  In my past posts, I’ve spoken about broad concepts that have worked for me.  This time, I’m going to provide the actual code I’m using.    With my latest change of checking for a valid MX record, I’ve completely stopped spam on the form that I’m using this on for over a month.

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Although it’s long been the most logical solution, this is the first time I’ve seen it seriously proposed.  Australia is proposing to kick botnet zombie computers off the internet.  The only ambiguous aspect of the article is they plan to determine which computers are bots.  I would guess a mix of port 25 activity, a known list of “phone-home” IP’s and the like.

With some real forward thinking going on, they’re proposing that the owner of the infected computer is notified and from there, an escalation of action including slowing the connection and ending with terminating service.  I imagine if the U.S. were proposing this, you’d be reading about prison time and compensation to your ISP for the lost bandwidth.

I hope it actually makes it to fruition, simply for the reason that I’m interested to see what the bot owners will do next.

I long ago reached the bottom of the barrel in regards to emails to respond to.  I’ll provide better responses once the Nigerians resume their attempts at making their emails even remotely plausible.

Subject: Dear Child,
From: rose smith <asismith43@msn.com>

Reply-To: asifesmith.2020@live.com

Dear Child,

May God lead you my child.

My name is Mother Rose Smith,a widow to late William Smith, a business merchant here in London,who die after a protracted illness in may 2nd, 2006 ,I am presently undergoing Treatments in Southampton ,England. I have been diagnosed with hydatidiform mole cancer and esophageal cancer that was discovered very late due to lack of caring for my health.That was traced to be the source of my barrenness according to the experts. I have only about a few months to live according to this medical experts.

I am looking for someone reliable and trusted that can use my fund worth 7.5$ Million pounds,(Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand ) with CITI BANK UK for the less privileges and orphanage homes. Since i can’t survive this illness. Please contact me through this email address immediately with your

Name,

Address

phone number

and the Name of your Church:

Warm Greetings from,

Mother Rose Smith

I did the best I could with what was provided.

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It’s no secret that I hate what CAPTCHA’s have become.  If you’ve read my prior posts that mention it, you also know why.  For those that haven’t, CAPTCHA’s are a great way to get your site visitors to do your work for you.  It’s the absolutely perfect tool for the lazy, incompetent or otherwise deficient web site owner that can’t be bothered with properly protecting their site from the scourge of spammers.

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Please note that her post is sitting in the spam bin.

It makes you want to give her money to get to the top of the search engines, doesn’t it?

Here’s their article in full (Hey, I figure someone should get the search results):

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