E-Dribble

It’s hard for me to find new lows for the social networking site, Twitter.  If you have an account, I don’t need to tell you that 99% of the content is useless shit that does absolutely nothing to inform you or enrich your life.  It’s userbase consists of mostly only two types of users; losers and people trying to monetize on said losers.  It was fun for a while to poke fun at both camps, but as with anything else in life, it eventually grows tired and unamusing (touch my monkey). After all, it’s reached the bottom and can go no further.

Wait a stinking moment.  It seems that pregnant women can purchase a belt to wear that will broadcast a tweet every time their baby kicks.

Don’t get me wrong, these tweets are just as informative and useful as those posted by adult users.  If we were  to have a race between Ashton Kutcher and an unborn fetus to see who could post useful content first, I couldn’t tell you who would win.  It would just be too close to call it.

I often tell myself that I’m being too hard on society, to stop being so damned self-righteous and just shut the fuck up already.  Quit picking out the very worst that’s out there and amplifying it into a bigger issue than it really is.  Then I see something like the kickbee and realize that we as a society are doomed.

Instead of ridiculing it, maybe I should instead take some pointers from them and try to market my own version of this.  The way I see it, the flaw in their design is that they’ve cut out half of the world’s population from their marketing.  What Iwould do is create a belt that anyone can wear, regardless of their race, sex or religious beliefs.  The first two I’d work on the development of would be the Shitbee(tm) and the Belchbee(tm):

I thought we found the perfect use for Twitter when the incredible shock troop that is the Iranian Cyber Army took over Twitter’s home page to post notice of said takeover(Side note: if you’d like to contact the Iranian cyber army, they would love to hear from you.  They posted their GMail address on the takeover splash page, the social butterflies.).

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I’m slacking, I know.  It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. I’ve laid block, torn whole exterior walls out and replaced them with windows.  Oh, and I spent four days at my in-law’s for Thanksgiving.  That’ll curb your productivity.  All this time, the Christmas deadline has been looming over my head so you can imagine how it hurts me to let the more fantastic articles and spam fly by without putting finger to keyboard.

This, though…. this I just couldn’t let go by without doing my part. “Twitter is the most used word of 2009″.

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This is the first legitimate thing I’ve found Twitter being used for. Hackers have begun utilizing Twitter to control bot-nets, posting encrypted URL’s to other control and info centers that infected computers monitor to retrieve updated data.  As more people come to realize that Twitter is something you use in lieu of having a life, it’s refreshing to see it get used to it’s full potential.  Between this and the recent DDoS attacks on the service, it’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

Twitter was a victim of a DDoS attack over the past couple of days(It wasn’t me, promise).  Don Reisinger of CNet is trying to help the twits  during the trying periods during which Twitter is down by   suggesting alternatives to posting to Twitter. While I’m sure the Twitter crowd is thankful for the tutorial, I’m having a giggle that the Twitter crowd is too stupid to figure out what to do with their newly found free time.

Oddly absent in his how-to  is the suggestion that they do something productive. But then again, we are talking about the Twitter crowd.

If they hadn’t been too busy networking with pedophiles and 15 year old emos, Myspace Inc. might have noticed that we were in the midst of a recession and acted accordingly. Instead, they canned one third of their employees. Their stated reason? They wanted to get back to their roots”. It’s well known that Facebook was kicking their ass for some time. In reality, their resource stretching in an attempt to get back some real estate bit them in the ass.

I can see why Facebook took the lead in social networking, with incredibly hot promotional gimmicks like the “name grab” they had recently that went over like a lead balloon with anchors tied to it.

Well, at least we still have Twitter, although we almost lost it. Hehe, not really. But they did get some free advertising out of it, which is good.

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Although I can’t seem to find a form of media that doesn’t treat it like the second coming of Jesus, it seems that the productive public(well, those who haven’t had a labotomy yet) seem to be giving Twitter the cold shoulder.  Check the stats.

• 85% follow friends
• 54% follow celebrities
• 29% follow family members
• 29% follow companies

Keep in mind that that last number is the only thing Twitter really cares about.  They need companies with deep pockets to want to use Twitter, if they’re going to stay in business. If nobody is there to follow a business, the business has no reason to be at Twitter.  Unfortunately for them, 12 year olds aren’t a great demographic to dominate, since allowances can only go so far.

This was my favorite part of the article, however:

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… when I realize that the people tasked with keeping this country running are even more of a bunch of mindless followers than the unwashed masses are.

Seriously, the sheep are supposed to emulate the top of the totem pole.  What in the hell are we supposed to do when the top of the totem pole is busy emulating us?

The Whitehouse blog recently posted an article letting you know how “connected” they have become.  In it, they give you the links to their Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Flickr, Vimeo, Youtube and iTunes channels. You can now get the most critical information concerning our national welfare and security right alongside these guys.

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This just in: Twitter facilitates the spread of misinformation and lacks the ability to place comments into context.

And just after the break: Water is wet and fire is hot.

It seems the tech internet news sites are just getting around to discussing the fact that Twitter is useless as a source for receiving legitimate information.  In this instance, they’ve used the swine flu scare(I refuse to use the word outbreak in conjunction with swine flu, since there is no outbreak. Also, please take note that I won’t be attributing Proper Name status to the term swine flu.  You’re a fucking mental hemorrhoid if you don’t see the pathetic attempts of the news agencies for what they are.)

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There was a time when I thought that Twitter was one of the most insipid societal fads to come down the pipeline in my lifetime.  Then CNN set me straight.  It’s not insipid.  It’s main stream.  It’s cool.  We know this because Ashton Kutcher, Puff Daddy and Oprah say so.

You see, Ashton and CNN were in a heated race to be the first to have 1 million subscribers to their Twitter channel. You may think that it was done in good humour, but no, this was serious business.  I’m going to share some quotes from the superstar, Ashton himself.  Wondering if these came from his twits?  Don’t be silly.  You have no room for complete sentences, much less fully formed thoughts that make sense.  No sir, he went on “Larry King Live” to talk about this “battle”.  He wanted to explain why this “duel” had to happen.

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